Simmer
by SoulCaptain92
Summary: An alternative to how Castle and Beckett get together, starts after 4x22 Undead Again.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Trying my Hand at a Castle Fanfic, I haven't writting anything in years so take it easy on me...will you?**

 **I hope you enjoy this.**

* * *

 **Chapter One**

"Coffee?" he asks as he stands and grabs both of their mugs off her desk.

"Sure, and Castle…it would be really helpful if you came back with one of your crazy theories" she smiles tiredly at him.

He smiles that smile that he reserves only for her, "One coffee and one wild theory coming right up".

Her smile widens as she watches him walk towards the break room. She suddenly thinks of how very different this moment would be if he wasn't here, if they have not had the past four years. She shakes her head not willing to entertain that line of thought.

"Beckett…don't shoot me but we are all out of coffee" he grimaces as he says this.

She sighs and straightens from her position leaning on the desk and folds her arms, "Well I guess this means we are calling it a night".

He lifts an eyebrow at her resignation.

"What castle? I'm tired, you're tired, with no coffee I don't have the energy to stare at the whiteboard. Besides it's your fault for not bringing me coffee!" she teases while she grabs her keys and phone off the desk.

He looks affronted when he says, "What I'm responsible for stocking up the precinct's coffee now?" yet he holds her coat out for her.

She tightens her lips as she turns from him to wear her coat and also to hide her smile as she responds calmly, "Yes castle, you are in charge of all my coffee needs and any tasks that lead thereto".

"Is that right?" he challenges as she turns to face him with that playful grin, he cherishes.

She only response with a quick shrug.

"Just for that, no more morning coffee for you, Detective" he whispers her title as a smile tugs at his lips.

There is a flicker in her eyes at the way he says her title, "You wouldn't dare" a statement not a question, and then she starts walking to the elevator and without missing a beat he falls in step with her.

"Fine, but only because I don't even want to know what you're like without your morning coffee".

"You're a wise man Castle" she takes a quick side glance at him standing next to her as she presses the button to call the elevator.

* * *

The car ride is quite, heavy with everything that they are and just perfect all at once. It has been like this all the time between them recently. Ever since she told him she was in therapy, It felt like they were at the edge all the time and it brings her peace, scares and excites her all at once.

She parks the car in front of Castle's building, they sit there for the second time this week, daring each other to push. She looks over at Castle as he stares ahead seemingly deep in thought.

"Penny for your thoughts" she says softly, but it is all too loud in the confines of the car.

"Come on now Beckett, world famous author over here…penny, really?"

"Does this self-proclaimed title come with deflecting skills?"

He gives her a look "I was just thinking that this. Right now…" he makes a gesture pointing between them, "this is…" he hesitates to finish knowing that this is probably is the most direct conversation they've had about them. He doesn't want to ruin the simmer that they seem to be in lately.

"Castle?"

He just smiles at her and she has to duck her head to hide her own smile behind her hair as she understands what he is trying to say. That it is the same for her.

"Yeah, I know" she raises her head to look back at him.

His smile widens, making his eyes squint a little, "Until tomorrow Kate".

"Night Castle".

He steps out of the car and disappears inside the building.

She rests her head on the steering wheel feeling overwhelmed by the promise of that little moment they had.

* * *

AN: Feedback is ALWAYS welcome, please and thank you.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Thank you so much for your support and tips, much appreciated!**

 **Hope this one doesn't disappoint.**

* * *

 **Chapter Two**

She comes into the precinct a little late today, late for her anyway, on time for the rest of the 12th. She walks by Espo's desk, where he and Ryan are chatting about something.

"Castle's not in yet?" looking over at the empty chair.

"Well good morning to you too Beckett" replies Espo while Ryan gives her a knowing smile.

"Oh shut up…I just want my coffee"

"mhmmm" hums Espo as he turned back to his conversation with Ryan.

She drops her jacket at the back of her chair and settles at her desk. Looking over to Castle's chair, he usually was at the precinct early with her and she was already late as is. She picks up her phone and texts Castle.

 _ **Morning Castle, coming in today?**_

She starts catching up on the case file as her phone pings with a new message she smiles as she checks her phone.

 _ **Morning Detective, well yes of course, just getting the coffee. Had a late night. Be there in ten.**_

Kate was taken back for a second - _late night?_ – then her phone pings again.

 _ **Late night WRITING!**_

She feels herself relax just noticing how tense she got over that little bit of information.

 _ **Good. I want my coffee.**_

 _ **And a bear claw Castle. Don't forget the bear claw.**_

 _ **And here I thought you missed me…I feel used Detective.**_

She bites her lip as she considers, she wants to tell him that she did miss him, but they are now in this strange new place where lines have been pushed enough that the parameters of the relationship are not clear. They're not exactly strictly friends and yet not more.

She doesn't know how to break free from the detective persona she puts on around him. She sighs at her ridiculousness.

 _ **I'm sure you will find a way to live…besides I can multitask Castle.**_

 _There, that wasn't too un-Beckett, was it? -_ she thinks to herself putting the phone down to shuffle the files on her desk.

Judging by the smile that he gives her as he walks towards her desk, it may have been.

He hands her the coffee and the bear claw, "There you go Detective".

"Thank you" she smiles warmly at him as she takes in the coffee aroma.

"I missed you too Kate" he leans in and whispers so that only she can hear in the quite precinct.

The way he says _miss_ with her first name makes her heart flutter a little. Like he will only use her first name in their intimate moments.

She catches his blue eyes and sees them dancing with something she is not sure how to describe, she just loves how he is looking at her right now.

She takes a sip of her coffee and hums as the latte warms her, "Get some writing done?".

"Yes, enough to appease the hounds…for now at least"

She nods, sorting some papers on her desk.

"Any progress?" he points at the whiteboard.

"I actually just got here, was about to ask Ryan and Espo for an update, hopefully those financials will clue us in".

"No such luck I'm afraid" says Espo as he hangs a piece of paper on the whiteboard behind her desk, "Nothing out of the norm, she made more than a decent pay, no strange activity on her cards…".

Beckett frowns and looks at the board, "Well we got to start somewhere, did CSU find the phone anywhere in her apartment?".

"No" Ryan says standing next to Castle while handing her a file, "But uniforms' canvas turned up a neighbor who saw a man leave the building around 7 PM last night, three hours before we got that call".

Beckett goes through the witness's information, "Sketch artist?" she asks Ryan.

"Heading over there now, not sure how much the neighbor saw though…I guess we will see".

"What about the law firm?" Castle asks.

"That is where we're going" Beckett says as she stands up grabbing her coffee and jacket.

"Espo, Ryan you guys go to the morgue, see if Lanie matched the knife entry wound to the missing knife in the kitchen and if she can give us anymore clues".

"You got it" says Ryan heading back to his desk.

* * *

"So where we heading?" asks Castle as he buckles his seat belt.

"90 Park Avenue, Ragson & Oliver" she pulls into the lovely New York traffic.

"Huh, that name is familiar"

"Not surprised, one of Manhattan's top law firms"

"I sense a legal-murder-office drama coming our way"

"Yeah? Plotting the new Nikkei Heat are you now?" she asks with a smirk.

"No" he scuffs, "I leave the legal dramas to Grisham".

"Gotta love a Grisham Novel" she teases as she looks on ahead.

He gaps at her with a hurt look in his eyes and whines, "Kaaate…".

She giggles softly, "What Castle? Your ego can't take it that I read something other than the great Richard Castle's books?" she lifts an eyebrow at him.

"Yes!" he exclaims.

She is smiling as she shakes her head at him " _Anyways_ , let's just hope they give us access to her office and not stone wall us".

"Don't expect too much, we are walking into a law firm after all" he offers.

"Yeah but maybe they will just want us to finish up and get out of their way, instead of starting a warrant battle".

"Alright then, plan is to be as annoying as possible" Castle says as a conclusion.

"I'm sure you won't have to try too hard" she quips and bites her lip.

He narrows his eyes at her.

"You're so easy Castle"

* * *

AN: Please R & R, Thank you!

Please let me know if I should add more crime details or just stick to the Castle/Beckett Plot.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Thank you all again for sharing your thoughts! I really do appreciate it and special thank you for the guest reviewers, I wish I was able to send your private thank you.**

* * *

 **Chapter Three**

The elevator opens on the sixteenth floor to the bustling office noise, not too unlike her bullpen, they step into the lobby of the law firm, approaching the receptionist with the headset talking to someone on the other end.

"Alright then, I'll pass the message to Mr. Walters. Yes, thank you Sir." the perky receptionist behind the desk is finishing her call and looks up at them.

"Good Morning, I'm Detective Beckett and this is Richar..." Kate starts.

"Good Morning, Ragson & Oliver how can I help you?" interrupts the brunette while holding her index finger at Beckett.

Kate is now standing there startled at being brushed off, she narrows her eyes at the receptionist and twist her lips as she glances at Castle who has his lips in a tight line, a weary look on his face.

"Looks like we are going to start being annoying ahead of schedule" she declares as she moves closer to the desk and the overly cheerful receptionist, she drops her badge on the desk getting the attention of the brunette, who is still speaking on the phone. - _Unbelievable_.

"Get off the phone. Now." She orders calmly with a pointed look.

The receptionist looks a little unnerved at that, "Umm, miss I'm going to have to call you back."

"As I was _saying_ I'm Detective Beckett with the NYPD and this is Richard Castle, we are here investigating the murder of Veronica Duton."

The receptionist has a grim look, "Yes, we heard about Ms. Veronica's…" she leaves the words hanging.

"Yes, we were wondering if we can have access to her personal office and speak with people around the law firm."

"Umm actually let me get Mr. Drake, he is-" she frowns and corrects, "He was Ms. Veronica's supervisor." the receptionist moves to stand from her desk.

"Alright then, thank you." They watch her walk into the hall behind the desk.

Castle is looking around the modern lobby and she can see something is going through his mind.

"What?" she asks hugging the leather folder to her chest. She may not admit this to him but she was always fascinated by his mind, specially when he is so uncharacteristically quite, it makes her unnerved, in a good way. When she sees him like that or when they are together and he starts taking notes which she assumes is for the books, it's even more interesting because he never clues her in, unless she asks. She hates that she has to ask, kind of messes with the contained Detective image, she just can't help it sometimes, more so lately. She wants everything that is him.

"You were pre-law at Stanford." he states as if that's self explanatory.

"Yes…"

"I just can't help but imagine you at one of these law firms. Kate Beckett Attorney at Law." he says the last words with a deep voice.

She laughs at that.

"Ever wonder?" he asks pushing his hands into his jean's pockets.

"Yeah, of course. But I'm glad where I'm now." she looks right into his eyes when she says the next part, "Grateful even."

He feels that simmering feeling again. The intensity of them.

He swallows thickly and then adds softly, "I have to say that I'm glad too. I mean I'm sure you would've been one hell of a lawyer." he smiles and she smiles back at him "But…"

"But?" she asks with a left of her eyebrow.

"I don't know that we would be here if you were a lawyer."

She nods and feels the heaviness of that thought.

"But hey maybe you could've been a muse for your beloved Grisham." he says with narrowed eyes.

Her held tilts forward as she laughs at that, her smile splitting her face, so grateful for his ability to lighten up any situation. "I thought I told you Castle" she looks at his blue eyes again and smirks, "I'm a one writer girl".

She can see the twinkle in the blue of his eyes at her familiar words when he holds her stare and that crooked smile lights his face.

They hear footsteps coming their way and they reluctantly break their gaze, Castle looks up at the source and she takes a deep breath to clear her head and turns around as well.

"Detective, I'm sorry for the delay." the man approaching holds out his hand.

She takes it and nods, "This is Richard Castle." and the man turns to shakes his hand as well.

"I'm Sawyer Drake, so Christine tell me that you're here regarding Veronica's murder." he has a solemn look on his face.

"Yes, we were hoping that you may assist us with a few things and answer a few questions?"

"Absolutely, this way please." he holds out his hand directing them to the hall he just came through.

* * *

"So, any luck with the law firm?" Espo asks as he approaches the whiteboard Kate is writing something on.

"Yeah, went better than I thought actually, we should get something from what they sent over" she points at the documents at one of the meeting rooms.

"Alright Rayan and I will start on those, did they send us the cases she worked on? She was a defense lawyer so I figured would be worth the shot to check for the cases she worked on that may _not_ have ended in her client's favor, you know?"

"Good thinking Espo, I think I saw a record of that in the files."

"Alright I will let you know."

She nods.

He starts walking away and then points at Castle's chair, "Where is writer-boy?"

"Meeting with his publisher."

He nods.

* * *

It has been a very busy day, they made more than a little headway in their case, they have their main suspect, and now they are just waiting on the warrant to come through but that will probably be tomorrow morning. She turns off her monitor, it is already seven and the bullpen is quiet.

She is waiting for the elevator when the door opens.

"Castle? What are you doing here?"

He holds the elevator open as he smiles, "I'm afraid we have been summoned Beckett."

"Summoned?" she asks both amused and confused.

"Yes, your presence is requested by the great Martha Rodgers."

She steps into the elevator with him as she asks again, "Martha? I thought she and Alexis were in Europe?"

"Oh they got back yesterday night, I didn't tell you?"

"No, so why exactly am I being, umm summoned?" she asks as she steps out of the elevator and into the Precinct's lobby.

"Well you know my mother and her whims, she is making dinner for Alexis and I and she said and I'm quoting here, "Bring that Detective of yours, we need a little charm tonight and you Richard have been running a little low on that lately."" he says in his best impression of Martha.

She laughs out load at that- _Got to love that Martha_. She also didn't miss the possessive before Detective.

"So Detective, are your going grace us with your particular brand of charm?" asks Castle as he opens the Precinct's door for her.

"Are you sure Castle? I mean they did just come back and I don't want to intrude on your family time." she asks uncertain if she should accept.

"Nonsense Kate" he waves her off.

"Okay then, let's have some dinner."

When they're on their way to the loft she can't help but tease him, "She is right you know."

"hmm?"

"You have been running low on charm lately Castle."

"Just for that, no desert for you, and they are from that bakery you like on 5th." he says indignantly as he stares ahead.

She gapes a little at him, "You mean the French litt-" she asks hopeful- _She would kill for one of those tarts right now._

He interrupts, "Yup." he says still staring ahead, he knows he has her hooked now.

"The Chocolate millefeuille?" she bites her lower lip.

"Aha, and you don't get any. Let's see that charm Detective." he challenges.

She is silent for a moment; she knows he is just teasing her but two can play at this.

"Come on Castle, I'm sure I can _persuade_ you to share." she says in that flirty tone that always made him pay just a little bit more attention. She glances sideways at him and continues, "So Castle, what is it that you _want_?"

He draws a sharp breath. _She is evil_.

* * *

 **AN: Please R & R, Thank you!**


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Thank you all for the support and follows!**

* * *

 **Chapter Four**

She watches as he opens the door to his loft to let them both in, and she suddenly feels the slight nervousness that comes with spending time with the Castles. It isn't that she is not comfortable with his family, she really is. They have always been very welcoming, it's just that she sometimes feels overwhelmed and undeserving.

"Hey Dad! Welcome home." Alexis smiles at them from the couch, "Hi Kate, I'm glad you could make it."

"Hey Alexis, thank you for the invite" Kate smiles back at the girl, "Oh and welcome back, how was Europe?"

Castle takes off his jacket and hangs it and moves to take Beckett's jacket as well.

"It was great! We had so much fun." she says excitedly as she leans up to give her dad a kiss.

"You have to tell me all about it sometimes, specially if there are hot Europeans involved?" she wiggles her eyebrows at Alexis as she takes a seat next to Castle on the couch.

"There better not be!" Castle wraps a protective arm around his daughter.

"Of course not" but she nods silently to Kate who tries to stifle her smile.

"Oh don't you worry darling, I have enough stories for the both of us" cuts in Martha as she steps from behind the kitchen island.

Castle groans and Kate laughs as she stands to great Martha who embraces her in a crushing hug, "We're happy to have you with us tonight, been dull around here kiddo"

"You just came back!" argues Castle and Martha just waves him off.

Kate laughs again, "Thank you Martha, I'm happy to be here."

"Can we eat now? I'm starving" Alexis chips in.

"Let's go ladies" Castles stands heading to the kitchen island and he carries some of the plates over to the dinning table.

Dinner was light and fun, they joked around mostly at Castle's expense. Kate always felt overwhelmed by the acceptance and sense of belonging she felt at those little dinners his family invites her to.

When they were all done with dinner, they all got up to clear the dishes but Kate interjected, "Martha, Alexis you guys made this lovely meal, Castle and I will clear this"

"Its no trou-" Alexis tries.

"Please, it's the least I can do"

"You don't have to tell me twice" Martha stands.

Kate smiles at that as she glances at Castle who is looking at her funny, she lefts an eyebrow in question.

He smiles all wide, "Let's clear the dishes"

"Well Kiddos this was just lovely but I have other affairs to attend to and you my darling" she kisses Kate's cheek, "don't be a stranger"

Kate smiles at the sincerity of her words, "Wouldn't dream of it Martha"

"Alexis, there is dessert over there, from that French bistro" Castle says to his daughter as he loads the dishes into the dishwasher.

"Actually if you guys don't mind I'll steal an éclair and head over to Paige. We are both going to different schools by the end of the summer and we just want to capitalize on the time we have left"

"No, please don't let us interrupt your plans" says Kate while looking at the girl suspiciously, but then she brings over the pastries box for Alexis to choose from.

"Don't be late, pumpkin" adds Castle as she gives him a kiss on the cheek and then turns around to Kate and gives her a kiss as well.

"Don't let him eat all the éclairs Kate, and I still have to tell you about all the wild nights I had in Europe" throws Alexis as she heads to the door.

"Not listening! Not listening!" Castle breaks into a mantra as her holds his hands to his ears.

They both laugh at him.

The door clicks. Silence. Nerves.

He looks at her and smiles softly.

She threads her fingers together in front of her and bites the inside of her cheek, "So…"

"So…" god she is messing with his head lately! He doesn't know what to think, he doesn't want to push but when she looks at him like that. He just doesn't know how not to go to her, they need a distraction.

"Coffee and dessert?" he says clapping his hands together as if he just had a great idea.

She knows what he is doing, she knows that its her fault that he is keeping himself at bay. So she decides she will push a little, maybe he will see. Maybe he will understand.

She titles her head in mock questions when she says with a flirty tone, "I though I wasn't getting any?"

Yep. Definitely messing with his head.

"You still have a gun, don't you?" he bites back.

And she smiles wide at that.

"So where is this alleged Chocolate millefeuille you lured me here with?"

" _Lured_?" he scuffs but grabs a plate for the dessert anyways and nudges it her way while he goes to make them coffees.

"Are you denying it?" she questions with a poker face.

"Yes! Yes I am!"

She just offers him a teasing smile as she takes one of the Chocolate millefeuille and one raspberry éclair for him, his favorite, into their shared plate. She turns around to watch him finish off their coffees.

"You know, you made me into a coffee snob. I don't even like the coffee at my apartment anymore" she leans back on one of the counters, enjoying the coffee aroma lingering in the air.

He glances at her, "Is that a complaint, Detective?" he lifts an eyebrow, "Because you could have fooled me."

She lost track of this conversation- _He looks good in grey, makes his eyes bluer…_

When she doesn't say anything back he glances again and she staring at him. He smiles. She catches herself and ducks her head a little.

He holds up their mugs and heads to one of the bar stools, she follows with their dessert plate.

She takes a sip of her coffee and hums, "definitely not complaining"

He has a smug smile on his face as he reaches for his éclair.

She digs into the Chocolate millefeuille with her fork and the chocolate filling oozes out into the sides, with her other hand she runs a finger into the buttery chocolate filling and brings it to her mouth. He just stares and she blushes a little when she watches him watching her.

He shakes his head a little trying to break his train of thought, "So you didn't tell me what happened with the case after I left"

"We think it's the associate that was up for partnership, they were competing for the position and the victim was blackmailing him" she fills him in on her day as they eat their desserts.

"Confession?" he asks.

"Hopefully tomorrow. Want to sit in?"

"I'll be there"

She nods. They stare at each other. Again.

She smiles and adds pointing to the door, "I…I should get going, early day tomorrow"

He wants her to stay- _Don't push._ "Okay…"

"Thanks for tonight, I needed that" she says as she moves to get her jacket.

"Kate, you know you are always welcome here" he says sternly.

She smiles warmly at him then turns to put on the jacket he is holding out for her, his fingers linger a second longer than necessary on her shoulders.

She turns around. Standing closer now and when they look into each others eyes this time; she can feel the hope in his eyes reflected in her. She feels a need to reinforce that, for him. For her.

So she leans in and kisses his cheek, starts to pull back then stops midway when she feels him leaning in towards her instead, copying her, to leave a kiss on her cheek. He lingers there slightly and she holds her breath, nose against his cheek, she inhales slowly. He is everywhere.

Her head turns across his cheek, noses now against each other's, lips falling into place. soft.

They pull back just enough to brush their lips against each other; he leans in again just as softly catching her lower lip between his just for a second. They stand their foreheads against each other's, breathing the same air, eyes closed.

She can hear the swallow of his throat and her breathing, its too much and yet not enough.

"Goodnight Castle" she manages to say, eyes still closed. Only opening them after she pulls back away from him.

"Night Kate"

The door's click is unregistered.

* * *

 **AN: Please review, would love to hear some feedback on where to take this story. ^_^**


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: Thank you all for the support and follows!**

* * *

 **Chapter Five**

He stood there in the utter quiet of his loft. It was just a few seconds, but they are now etched so deeply into his mind. It wasn't even the kiss that got him…will it was a little bit the kiss, because it was testing, tentative and heavy in the best way. But it was mostly the promise in it. That's what it felt like to him, they were promising each other.

He turns around heading back to the kitchen, way too distracted, to clear their dessert plate and coffee mugs but the softest knock stops him and that little knock gets him tingling and he flies to the door yanking it open.

She is standing there all soft and open heart that it just calms him.

He smiles timidly at her, "Kate?"

"Rick I…I remember." she whispers the words that scared her for months and months.

It's hard to breath when she sees the switch in him, she knows that he understands what she means when she sees his smile falling. She can see it in the way his jaw tightens and the quiet anger that pools in his eyes. She was always amazed at his calmness, she could count on half of one hand the times she truly saw him angry, he always contained her and she was so grateful for that control. Never yelling. Always leveled. Patient. Those are the rare moments that she really feels that out of the two of them he is the adult.

"I already knew that Kate." voice even and staring right at her.

She frowns confused – _maybe he didn't understand what she was saying_ \- "No, I'm say-" she starts again.

"I know what you are saying Kate." his tone pointed, he turns around and walks into the living room, needing a second for himself, he leaves the door open for her.

She stands at the threshold of his apartment with a shocked expression, this is not what she expected. What is she supposed to say now, start explaining? Ask how he knows? Nothing she can say is _enough_.

He turns facing her again and as if he read her mind, "I was in the observation room when you told Bobby Lobez that you remembered every second of it."

"Castle I-" she takes a few steps into the apartment closing the door behind her.

He feels all the anger and humiliation from when he found out coming back to him, "Tell me one thing Kate why are you telling me this? Why are you telling me this now?"

She swallows and takes few steps closer ignoring his question and tries to contain this situation, "Castle, I'm sorry, I never meant for you to find out that way, I never meant to hurt you." She can hear how shaky her voice is, this is not how this was supposed to go.

He doesn't say anything, not even looking at her. After everything, he just doesn't want to show her how truly she did hurt him, he feels a need to protect himself.

She takes a deep breath "Rick." she waits until he is looking at her again, "I wasn't ready then to hear that, to accept it. I was so broken Rick." her voice stronger now.

He runs his hand through his hair and goes to sit at the corner of the couch, gesturing for her to sit.

This surprises her but she goes to sit, not too close though, scared to get to close until she gets this out.

"Kate, I could have been there for you, I could have helped." he argues.

"I know that how I handled things was wrong, I _know_ that pushing you away was not the right thing to do, but Castle I can see this now, but before-" her voice breaks, so completely out of her element being this vulnerable, "Before, everything was a mess, someone was trying to kill me, someone got _so_ close to killing me Castle, Captain Montgomery, my mom's case…I was so week physically, emotionally."

He can see her eyes are shinning with unshed tears, he is still angry at her. At their situation, but he can't help the twinge of hurt for her as well. How alone she must have felt.

"Kate."

She continues determined to get through this before she loses her nerves, "Castle, I had to put myself back together before I could-" She meets his eyes for a second, "Before any of this." she gestures between them.

"You know me, its not in my nature to need someone, to ask for help. I had to do it myself, but that doesn't mean that I didn't want you with me. That I missed you everyday that summer Castle, because I really did. So much."

She scoots a little closer on the couch, so that her body is tilted now facing him, one of her legs under her on the couch, and reaches for his hand, needs the assurance of its warmth between hers. To draw strength from him for what she is about to say next, what she always wanted to say to him.

"I don't want to go through life without you again. I won't even know where to begin." she takes a shaking breath, "Do you know how much you mean to me? You're my best friend Castle, these past few years we have spent more time together than apart and I don't know when it happened exactly but I just don't want it to be any other way".

He wants solid ground. "What are you saying Kate?" Still guarding himself.

Jaw clenched, she wants to say the words, can't help but feel how foreign and new they feel but also so glad she can finally let them out. She squeezes his hand.

"Rick, I love you"

She can't read the way he is looking at her and her fear that he no longer feels the same, that she has strained them, comes to the surface. Her gaze drops, "I know that it took me a long time to say these words back to you and I understand if you don- if you're no long-"

He interrupts her gently, "Kate, look at me" he waits for her eyes to meet his and turns around mirroring her position, hand still between hers, "Always"

He can feel his heart swell at the light in her eyes and he smiles when he sees the smile she gives him. He shifts his hand between hers so that his fingers intertwine with hers.

She glances down at their hands and then back at him. His smile widens and he reaches for her cheek with his other hand, thumb grazing across her cheek, pulling her closer gently as he leans in. Her eyes flicker to his lips for a second before they close, feeling the warmth of his breath against her lips.

"Love you always Kate" he whispers against her lips. Then his lips are on hers, desperate, in contradiction of the softness of his words. She scoots even closer, her free hand travels up the back of his neck and tangles through his hair. He pulls back for a second only to have her pull him back again against her lips, his hand now around her back, she feels his mouth open slightly against hers, and her small moan reminds him of their undercover kiss, except now there is nothing to hide behind, just them. The thought making their kisses urgent and needy, their breathing heavy and loud when they break apart. Eyes filled with want.

She watches his gaze travel back to her lips when she runs her tongue over them and she just wants his lips on hers again, she realizes she is staring at his lips as well.

"Kate, I have to tell you something"

His tone is so serious she has to pull away to look at his face and she frowns at his solemn expression.

"Castle?"

* * *

 **AN: This chapter was difficult to write. I knew they had to get over some hurdles to be together, I just had no idea how to approach it, have it be somewhat original and yet keep it all in character (something that I have been trying really hard to do), I hope this chapter stays true to that at least. I'm also sorry for the angst, I've never been a fan of that I hope it wasn't too much. I would really love to hear your thoughts on this. Thank you all!**

 **AleciaB:** Thank you so much for all the advice and tips! Really appreciate it.

 **Mjlouderman:** Thank you and hope your still ready and enjoying it.

 **ceboy08:** I appreciate the encourgment and I'm very flattered ^_^

 **lb:** Thank you I loved it in the show and I'm glad it reflects in the story

 **philliesfan1000:** Thank you so much for that huge compliment, I'm so glad these come across, I'm trying hard to keep them in character.

 **Norman01:** Thank you for your reviews, and support, please keep it coming: D

 **TORONTOSUN** : Thank you for your reviews! I'm glad your enjoying it and hope you like this chapter…

 **Stefi** : Thank you so much, will try to keep it that way.

 **Gloria** : you have no idea how giddy your review made me: D thank you for the kind words and support 3

 **stars90** : hope not too awkward: p

There is also an anonymous guest reviewer: Thank you for reviewing!


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: Happy Holidays to everyone celebrating! Hope you all had a lovely time with your loved ones. Thank you all for the wonderful support, it keeps me going 3.**

* * *

 **Chapter Six**

Her heels resonate in the relatively empty Precinct, neither Ryan or Espo were at their desk, but she could hear their chatter from the break room.

She drops her travel mug on the desk, takes off her jacket and just stares at the whiteboard. Not even sitting down first.

Ryan and Espo walk towards her, coffees in hand.

"Guys, where is my suspect?" she asks in that calm manner that she always drew on when she desperately needed to shut everything else out.

Ryan and Espo looked at each other at her no-nonsense tone, they know this Beckett. _Shit_.

"Waiting for the judge to get in for the warrant." replied Espo as Ryan nods towards the travel mug at her desk.

"Castle, not coming in?" tests Ryan.

"I don't know" calm. She turns around and reaches for a folder off her desk.

"Okay, we will go check if the judge is in." Espo added as he and Ryan retreated to their desk. If Castle messed up, he is on his own, they know better than to poke the bear.

Her phone buzzes from her desk, she could see the message from her lock screen. It was Castle.

 _ **Kate, we have to talk. Call me.**_

She turns the phone over so that she doesn't have to see the screen.

She starts on the paperwork, might as well get a head start.

* * *

She is observing the suspect through the two-way mirror from the observation room, arms folded when Ryan walks into the room.

"Ready?" he asks.

"Yeah but let him sweat for a bit, I want him to know he is not in control."

"Need help in there?" trying to be nonchalant about anything Castle related.

"Not the first time I interrogate a suspect on my own Ryan" she glances at him.

He nods turning to leave but stops when he opens the door.

"Hey Castle, I didn't think you would be coming in today" Ryan inquiries.

Castle gives Ryan a faint smile before he shifts his gaze to Kate. She is standing there her arms tight around herself staring straight ahead, jaw set tight, the only acknowledgment of his presence.

Ryan steps aside leaving the door open for Castle, who steps in and closes the door behind him.

He stands beside her, staring ahead as well, not saying a word, his folded jacket over his arm.

 _Alright so ignoring him is not going to work_ \- "What are you doing here?" she asks calmly.

He would rather she was yelling, "You did not answer my calls, messages...anything" he explains as if it's the most natural thing.

"Go home Castle" she heads for the door not glancing at him once.

"Kate we are going to talk about this" voice surprisingly commanding.

"No we are not. I have a job to do and you-" her hand on the door knob tightens, "Well you can do whatever it is you want, just stay out of my way."

* * *

She walks into the interrogation room file in hand, she can feel him watching her, she pulls the chair slowly and sits down, opens the file and starts to write something, using the silence as always.

Just when she feels his patience running out and she knows he is about to interrupt the silence.

She looks up right at him, "Mr. Lewis, you have been advised of your rights?"

"Yes" He is tentative, observing her.

"Mr. Lewis, remember when we talked at the firm yesterday and I asked about your whereabouts for the night before?"

"Yes."

"Do you recall what you said."

"That I was working late at the office."

she nods, waits a second before she continues, "Do you stand by that?"

"Yes, listen Detective I told you already that if you ask around the office someone will tell you they would have seen me working late."

"That's correct Mr. Lewis, we did ask around." another second passes by, "You don't practice criminal law, do you?"

"No I'm a commercial lawyer, what does that have to do with anything?"

"Nothing I'm just curious."

She can see he hates that he is messing something.

"We do have confirmation that a few of your colleagues did see you working late, we _also_ checked the firm's system and your card was not swiped until 11 pm, right about the time you stated that you left your office."

"Then what am I doing here?" the relief on his face a dead giveaway.

"You see we do this thing where we build a timeline when investigating a murder and something just doesn't fit with my timeline. For one, all the witnesses as to your whereabouts are either for before or after our time of death, no one actually saw you at the office at exactly between 6:30-7:30. Then we have one of your colleague's card being swept around that time when actually those same witnesses _did_ see him at the firm."

"Detective I'm sure that if you were to double check, someone at that firm would have seen me right at my desk at that time and I don't know what to tell you about the swept card, it wasn't mine so I don't know."

"See while you do not practice criminal law, you still knew just enough to make sure that the evidence is circumstantial, enough doubt, didn't you Mr. Lewis?"

That gets a reaction, "Okay Detective if it's all circumstantial as you say, again what am I doing here?"

"Mr. Lewis, did you know that your firm has the offices of a number of its employees bugged? they told us potential flight risks, not wanting to lose clients. You know?" yeah she got him, "And those bugs recorded you being blackmailed by Veronica to decline the partnership offer the firm was about to extend to you."

She can see resignation in his eyes now.

"That was enough to get me a warrant" she lifts the paper and sets it in front of him, "Which I'm sure will open all kind of doors for me. A team is going through your apartment as we speak."

He leans in one elbow resting on the steel table with his fingers fisted through his hair, the other hand holding the warrant.

Silence.

"I'll tell you what you want but first I want to speak to my lawyer."

* * *

She is home for all of twenty minutes before there is a knock on her door. She sees it's Castle through the peephole.

She sighs and leans her forehead against the door. She is tired and has no energy for keeping her mask up, for any of this.

She opens the door, holding on to it as she steps to the side to let him in.

He knows she must be tired if she is letting him in this easily, he feels bad about it but he is also glad, it means she won't resist him too much.

"Hey" he says walking in with his hands in his pocket and she just nods at him. He notices the height difference when he passes by her, she looks soft and small, he just wants to wrap his arms around her.

She closes the door and leans back against it with her hands behind her back.

"Did you eat?" he asks already knowing the answer.

"I was just about to make a sandwich"

He frowns at that but her expression is the same, so he takes off his coat drapes it over a chair, "I'll make you a grilled cheese sandwich, that okay?" he asks already moving towards her fridge.

She nods again.

She is sitting on her couch legs hugged to her torso when he sets a plate in front of her with a glass of water.

"Do you mind if I make myself a coffee, while you eat? Then maybe we can talk?"

"Okay."

When he is back with his mug they stay in silence until she sets her half eaten sandwich aside, no longer able to stand the quiet. "How could you do this Castle?" there is so much hurt on her face that he is overwhelmed.

He sits down his mug and starts softly, "Kate, did you know that your dad came to see me the day before we were at that hanger?"

She whips around frowning at him, "What?"

He continues, "He asked me to convince you to stop, he was so convinced that I could do it" he swallows, "I can only imagine what he was going through, if Alexis-"

This only makes her mad, how dare he use this against her. "Castle, my father understands that I need to do this." her voice is louder now and she stands and start pacing before him.

"So do I Kate, you think I want to stop you from catching your mother's murderer when I know it's the only thing that will truly bring you peace? When I know that it was me that started all of this."

"Then why would you do this Rick?" her frustration showing.

"Kate, you were spiraling! Going in blind with people who were hunting for you, people who would not hesitate for a second to kill you." that seems to be enough arguing for her for the moment so he continues, "After your dad came to see me, Cap. Montgomery tells me the same thing Kate, that it's on me to make you stop because he never could."

He can see her jaw tightening and her eyes glaze at the mention of her Captain.

"What was I supposed to do Kate? Montgomery hands you this opportunity and What? I was just supposed to throw you to the wolves?" he asks pleading.

"Castle it was never your right to make that choice for me!" she is yelling again.

He stands and steps towards her, "To hell with right Kate! All I knew is that it meant keeping you safe, keeping you here. For yourself, your dad, everyone that loves you…for me."

She can see his eyes are shinning now.

"Kate given the chance I would make that choice every time. I'm sorry that it had taken this long for me to tell you but that's all I'm sorry about." he turns around suddenly needing a little bit of space to calm himself. Appreciating the moment of silence between them.

She wraps her arms around herself, "Why did it take you this long to tell me, why now Rick?"

"I've been keeping tabs on the case, I haven't let it go, I would never do that" he turns to face her, "And…and with everything that happened between us yesterday, I didn't want to start something with this thing over us, you would never forgive me then." he says the last part hesitantly.

She can see all the insecurities over his face and her shoulders drop.

"Kate you can't tell me that if it was me in this position you wouldn't have made the same choice." He tries softly as he takes the few steps towards her.

She glares at him knowing that he is right. She can't argue that she would never lie to him, they both already know it's not really true.

Standing inches away from her, he raises his hand to hold one of hers, the other still wrapped around herself. She lets him, so he starts tracing her wrist with his thumb. "Kate, I love you. I'm here for you, please let me do this with you, we can do this carefully and safely. Together like always." he says so tentatively it brings tears to her eyes all over again.

She lifts her head to look into his eyes, looking for something- She has never felt like this before, the person she needs the most is the same person she wants to pull away from-whatever it is she must have found it because a moment later he can feel the fight leaving her as she leans her forehead against his chest and it's only a second before he has her wrapped in his arms.

After what seems like eternity and only a moment, she mumbles against his neck, "What now?"

"First you tell me that you love me too" he says a little playfully. Needing the lightness.

She smiles against him, "I love you"

"Second, you finish your sandwich and tomorrow after work you come home with me and…"

She interrupts by pulling away and lifting an eyebrow at him.

"Not like that!" He considers for a second, "or totally like that?" He lefts an eyebrow of his own now.

She narrows her eyes at him.

"Hey if that's what you want, don't stop on my account, I'm just saying" he adds.

Her lips twist in that way that always lets him know she is trying not to smile.

He smiles at her but then adds seriously, "No, I meant maybe I can show you what I have on the case so far?"

"Okay" is all she says but then she buries her face in his neck again, tightens her arms around him for a second before she pulls back heading for the couch and her waiting sandwich.

He stops her, his hand around her wrist, "Hey Kate?"

"Hmm?"

He pulls her back, hands around her waist, "I'm sorry that we started, us, with two fights in less than 24 hours. That's not how I wanted it to be."

"I know Castle, I'm sorry too." she raises a hand to cup his cheek while the other rests on his shoulder.

"But now nothing is in our way. We are doing this. You and I" He tells her.

"Yes. You and I." She repeats smiling wide at him.

* * *

AN: Finally, all the angst is out of the way! I promise to try and keep it on an absolute minimum from now on! Please let me know your thoughts ^_^

 **ceboy08** : Thank you so much! I'm glad to hear that. Would love to hear your input on this chap

 **TORONTOSUN** : sigh, it was tough finding a way to not make her shut down completely without the events of Always. Thank you for your review

 **Norman01** : yeah I agree took her way too long on the show! I'm glad you liked the chap, can't wait to hear what you think of this one ^_^

 **Mick:** Oh man did your review just make my day! Thank you so much for the kind words, really kept me going, please keep them coming 3

 **Stefi:** thank you I'm really glad you liked it and its the leas I can do for your support ^_^


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: Thank you all for your wonderful support. I'm very grateful.**

* * *

 **Chapter Seven**

She is on the elevator on her way up to the homicide floor of the prescient, trying to tame her thoughts and the smile splitting her face. She needs her Detective face on.

She walks out an easy smile on her face, that's the best she can do, still it is the polar opposite of yesterday that Ryan and Espo look to each other questioningly.

"Hey guys, catch a new case?" she asks as she passes by them.

Their eyes still examining her.

She drops her jacket on the back of her chair and sits down.

"Guys?" she repeats.

"Umm, no, not yet" Ryan answers then shrugs to Espo before they huddle closer to speculate.

She looks down at her desk and sighs at the sight of the paperwork waiting for her- _I need coffee-_ the reminder of Castle makes her smile.

While she is making her coffee, she hears Lanie talking to Espo who points in her direction and sees her friend wave at her through the break room's window, she waves back.

After a moment, Lanie is leaning against the door frame of the break room arms folded and looks at Kate.

"Hey Lanie! What are you doing up here?" Kate asks, smiling at her friend.

"Can't a girl visit her friend?"

"Right. Boys called?" Kate lifts an eyebrow.

Lanie gives a slight shrug, "So they tell me you went all super-cop on them, thought I'd check on you." she looks her over again, "But you seem fine to me. More than fine." she lifts her eyebrows suspiciously at Kate.

"I'm fine, they're exaggerating" Kate tries to distract herself with the coffee.

"Girl your holding out on me, you know that I can tell."

Kate twists her lips, "What are you talking about?"

Lanie is silent for a second staring her friend down and Kate can feel the stare poking a hole at her side – _this girl would break suspects like it's nobody's business_.

"Where is writer boy?" she asks with an amused tone.

Kate takes a sip of her coffee, "No case means paperwork so he is _suddenly_ too busy"

"Ye, of little faith" Castle says from behind Lanie, but he is smiling at her in a way he never did before, eyes shinning, all knowing, it makes her smile back despite needing to contain herself at least in front of her friend.

"Hey Castle" all she says to him. Still smiling, then she catches her friend staring between the two of them and she clears her throat which seems to bring their moment to an end.

"Dr. Parish" he nods at Lanie.

"Hey Castle" says Lanie, way too much amusement on her face for Kate's liking.

"Alright will since your _fine_ , I have bodies to chop". She turns to leave then turns back around and points a finger at her friend, "But you and me, we are goanna talk later Kate Beckett"

Kate just sips at her coffee.

Castle calls over his shoulder at the her when she is half way to the elevator, "You mean "You and I!""

"Whatever writer boy" they hear Lanie calling back at them.

Then it's just them.

"Hi" he smiles at her as he takes a couple of steps towards her.

"Hey" gazing into the blue of his eyes, "You got to stop that."

"Stop what?" he asks whispering not wanting to break this thing they have going.

"Smiling like your happy to see me" she says although she is also smiling.

"Your awfully sure of yourself there _Detective_ " teasing but still smiling.

She blushes but teases back, "So you're not happy to see me?" she lifts an eyebrow at him in warning.

"Want me to show you just how happy I am to see you Kate?" he glances suggestively at her lips and she can't help but enjoy the shiver down her spine.

 _This is not good_ -he's been here all of ten minutes and they are already hovering at the edge, she doesn't necessarily mind jumping off it, just maybe not at her place of work.

So she ignores him but she is sure he can see how his word effect her with how closely he is watching.

"You are goanna give us away." she warns again.

"Us being?" he asks teasing again.

"Castle!" she warns.

"Fine, I'll behave. Promise."

She bites her lip and whispers, "Later."

His head snaps to her again but she is hiding behind her coffee mug as she takes another sip.

But then needing to distract them both away from the edge, "I didn't think you would come in today."

"Yeah I heard" he smirks and she just shrugs with a smirk of her own, "I got you a coffee by the way" pointing a thumb back at her desk.

"Oh Thank god" she turns to the sink and spills the contents of her mug.

He laughs at that as they head to her desk.

* * *

They end up catching a case around noon, a body was discovered in a high-end apartment in lower Manhattan, the door man called it in. So now they are investigating the murder of one Malcom Howell.

Kate was setting up the whiteboard, when Castle stepped out off the conference room towards her holding some documents.

"This has money written all over it." he looks up at her, "except all his financials check out, all the money is still there, as far as we can tell at least."

"Yeah well, we will know more once we interview his daughter and ex-wife, they should be here soon."

"Anything off the surveillance cams in the building?"

"Hard drives missing."

He nods, "Of course."

"Espo, Ryan any news on the girlfriend?" she turns towards their desks.

Ryan shakes his head while on the phone with someone. But Espo walks towards them with a document and hands it to her.

"Jessica Barnes, 38 years, she works at Atlantic Bank of New York, no criminal record, but she is ex-military, reserve only though."

"That would explain the two gun shots to the chest" adds Castle.

Kate nods, ''Alright two more hours, if you cannot locate her, but out an APB on her and let's wait to see if she turns up. Maybe the daughter or the ex-wife can give us with more information."

"You got it" says Espo while he starts writing on the whiteboard.

"How about Ballistics?" Castle asks.

"Still waiting. Backlog" she picks up her ringing desk phone, "Beckett."

"Yes, please send them up" she hangs up, "Let's go get some information Castle."

* * *

They leave the Precinct at 8 PM, nothing more they can do without the Ballistics or a suspect to question.

It's quite for a while in the car, before Castle breaks the silence.

"Hey Kate."

"Yeah?" she takes a glance at him before focusing on the road again.

"Let's go to dinner this Saturday." he says but it's more like a question. Then his hand finds hers over the console.

She looks down at their hands, the novelty of them tugs at her, makes her smile, "Yeah?"

"Yes I want to take you out, to sit across from you, get to know you."

she smiles at him, "we've had dinner before Castle and I'm pretty sure you know me pretty well." she argues even though she wants to go to dinner with him.

"Yes but before, I couldn't do this." he brings her hand to his lips and softly kiss it, "Or whisper in your ear how beautiful you are." he glances to her to see the slight blush and he smiles.

She bites her lip, "Okay Castle let's go to dinner." but then there is hesitance on her face.

"Don't worry I'll find a private place; we won't be bothered" he adds reading her mind.

"Thank you."

He teases, "Can't have the ledger printing out – "Richard castle out on the town with own muse"."

She yanks her hand from him and tightly grip the steering wheel, "What did I say about calling me a muse Castle."

He just smirks.

* * *

As soon as he closes the loft's door behind him, he turns to her and finds she's already close.

"Is it later?" he asks, eyes dark.

"Yes!" her own voice desperate.

He lets his coat drop from the hand holding it and reaches for her, crushing her lips to his, hands on her back bringing her impossibly close and she wraps an arm around his neck while the other buries itself in his hair. The moan that escapes her makes him groan and he pulls back only to start a trail of of open mouthed kisses up her jaw, he grazes her ear with his teeth and she fists his shirt, eyes half-closed at the shiver that runs through her and she arches into him.

"God, Kate do you know how long I wanted to do this?" his voice deep and raspy that she has to bite her lip to stop the moan this time.

"Me too Castle" she finds his lips again, her tongue testing, tasting.

He starts walking her back towards his bedroom.

She suddenly pulls back from his lips, "Where is Alexis and Martha?"

"Out." is the only answer he provides as he pushes her jacket off her shoulders.

"Okay." hands already unbuttoning his shirt, her hands settle on his bare chest, skin hot under her palms, that seems to slow them down but also intensifies everything and then it's a different type of need, no less urgent.

She runs a hand up his chest slowly, over his collar bone and around his neck, fingers tickling the small hairs there and pulls his lips down to hers. Lips brushing against each other softly, just heat between them, she can see his eyes close for a second and then they are gazing at her. She takes his lips between hers not really closing over his and whispers.

"Take me to bed, Castle."

* * *

AN: As always would really love your thoughts on this one. Thank you for your support and follows!

 **TORONTOSUN:** Thank you! I'm still working on how that will end up…I hope I don't disappoint.

 **ceboy08:** I'm so glad that's what you that's exactly what I wanted. Cards on the table.

 **Norman01:** Thank you so much, I'm glad you think so. Please keep the reviews coming.

 **Stefi** : Your totally right, they need that to get here I guess, I'm glad you think so. Please keep the reviews coming, I appreciate your feedback ^_^


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: First, sorry this chapter took a little longer to post, work has been crazy but this is a slightly longer chapter to make up for it. Thank you for all your support and reviews! I'm very grateful.**

 **Also! I would like to introduce you all to the Beta-reader of this story, starting this chapter,** **adama-roslinlove** **. She has been very generous with her time to help me with this and have given me amazing advice to improve. Thank you for your time!**

* * *

 **Chapter Eight**

It is finally the weekend. Ever since their night together they haven't had time alone, and they were a little on edge. Their only outlet is the few stolen moments in the precinct but it has just made it worse. It was one thing to ignore the sexual tension all those years when they didn't know what it was like to release it, but another thing now with the knowing, wanting and teasing glances between them, the knowledge that it's only a matter of when. It is finally the weekend and she is not on call.

They have agreed to spend the weekend together, just indulging in their bubble. So now here she is closing off her monitor, while telling Espo and Ryan what needs to be done about the paperwork on the last case.

"So what are you doing on your days of freedom?" asks Espo.

"Nothing particular, just relaxing…" she shrugs.

"Come on, Beckett." He shares a look with Ryan who is smirking but is smart enough not to engage in this conversation. "It's us. You've been on cloud nine the past two days and now you are leaving at what?" he glances at his watch, "Five! Entrusting us to handle paperwork; what gives?"

She bites her lips, "Yeah, I would say I was due for an easy weekend, wouldn't you?" She looks up at him and then smirks, "Paperwork's too hard for you, Espo?"

"Yes!"

She laughs at that as she puts her jacket on and grabs her phone and keys. "You have a good one, boys," she says over her shoulder on her way to the elevator.

"I want his name, Beckett!" he calls back at her.

She just shakes her head at her friend but can't help the smile.

* * *

She hears her phone buzzing on her dresser, goes to see who is calling and smiles at Castle's face lighting up her screen.

"Hey Castle," she answers calmly.

"Hello Detective," his tone is, well, Castle. "Miss me today?" he asks.

She rolls her eyes, "Not really," she says teasing. _God she missed him_.

"Kaaaate," he whines.

"Jeez, if you're going to whine about it, fine! Might've missed you just a little," she says as she grabs her overnight bag from the floor of her closet.

"Well, I didn't miss you at all," he challenges.

She smiles, "Oh really?"

"Aha."

"Does that mean you no longer want me to come over, because I was just about to start packing, good thing I haven't started, huh?" she teases as she folds another item into her bag.

"I guess I could suffer your company over the weekend…"

That makes her laugh, makes her happy to know this is still just them, pulling each other's pigtails. Except it's so much more.

"Don't be late; I'm starting dinner."

"I won't if you stop distracting me."

"Okay, okay, go."

"I'll see you in a bit, Rick."

"Oh hey! May I recommend packing something slutty," he says playfully.

She bites her lip because she can't help but tease him back, "I don't know, Castle, I was thinking to forgo the whole clothing thing… I mean why bother if you're just going to take it off me, right?"

She can hear his groan on the other side of the phone and it makes her smirk.

"Get over here, Kate."

* * *

He opens the door to greet her and then they are stumbling towards his bedroom, hands everywhere.

"God I missed you," he says between kisses and can feel her smile against his lips and he adds, "I missed this…"

"I've been thinking about you all day," she says as she moves to trail kisses against his jaw.

He pulls back suddenly, "Dinner!" but he can't help lowering his lips to her neck, the sight of her under him, on his bed, too inviting.

Her grasp on his bicep tightens at the feel of his lips on her skin, scorching. "You have an oven, don't you?" her voice breaks on a moan.

"I have an excellent oven," he nods excitedly.

She smiles and then pulls him back on top of her, relishing the weight of his body over hers.

* * *

He sits their Spaghetti bowls on the counter and takes a seat at one of the stools by the kitchen island, his gaze travelling to her; she has her back to him pouring them each a glass of wine. His heart flutters at the sight of her in his shirt, in his kitchen, in his life.

She turns around, meets his gaze, and it warms her how he is looking at her, makes her feel strangely shy.

"This smells good, Rick," she says while taking the seat next to him.

He smiles, turning in his chair and swivels hers around as well so that they face each other, knees against each other.

"Did you get any writing done?" she asks, taking a sip of her wine.

"Three chapters," he says proudly and then takes a bite.

She smiles at that look, so innocent. "So what have Nikki and Rook been up to lately?"

He lifts an eyebrow at her. "Detective! Are you asking for inside information?"

She bites her lips, "Maybe?"

It flatters him endlessly when she shows interest in his writing; he is always hungry for her approval.

"I'm afraid you'll have to wait until there is at least a first draft from the publisher." He then grins and adds, testing to see if she will remember the whole name ordeal, "Artistic integrity and all…"

In fact, she does remember. Rolling her eyes at him, she says, "Is that your excuse for everything?"

He just winks at her.

"Come on, you're seriously not going to let me read it? Not even just a little bit? Not even now th-" she catches herself.

"Yes?" he asks amused.

She twists her lips in that cute way she does.

"Were you about to say now that we are sleeping together?"

She just chuckles and shakes her head at him, "Shut up and eat your food, Castle".

* * *

He walks out of his office to find her leaning against the window in his living room, wine glass in hand. He wraps his arms around her waist and hugs her to his chest, savoring her warmth for a moment.

"I didn't ask, catch your guy?" He can't believe he waited this long to ask her.

"Yeah," she replies softly, and he knows that is all she is willing to say about that, mind elsewhere. He doesn't mind, especially when she starts tracing distracting patterns against his arm.

"Rick."

"Hmm?" he says, closing his eyes at the use of his first name.

"Did you always want to write?"

He isn't expecting that. Her question causes him to pull back a little but then he settles back against her, resting his chin on the top of her head. He feels a little startled knowing that she is thinking about him like that, wanting to know, like he usually wants to know. "Yes and no." He can see her blurry reflection in the window smile at him for the vague answer, and, _was that an eye roll?_ So he just continues, "I guess what I mean is that in hindsight I can say yes I always wanted to be a writer. But while my interest in writing stories and mysteries always did color my memories, I know that things were not so clear for me back then. I know that I never thought of it as a defining element of who I am like I do now. You know?"

She turns a little in his arms to look up at him, eyes bright, something like pride in her eyes and it makes his breath catch a little. She leans up a little to kiss his cheek and then she returns to making those patterns on his arm.

* * *

She is making breakfast, or she is supposed to anyway, but she is entirely lost in her thoughts, thoughts of him. Castle is in the shower, naked. _Why did she not wait for him to join her again?_

She shakes the thoughts of him out of her head, Castle in nothing but a towel around his waist. Yeah, she is a lost cause; she sighs and gets to work.

She hears the keys outside the loft's door. Turning around, she finds Alexis staring at her from the entrance. Kate is frozen in place, eyes a little panicky.

"Hi Kate." Alexis offers her a small smile.

"Um... Hey Alexis."

Silence.

"I… I was… Umm." She has no idea what Castle has told his daughter at this point. Damn, why didn't I ask!

"Relax, Kate, Dad told me about the two of you…" Alexis says calmly, which makes Kate suddenly feel like the younger out of the two of them.

She looks Alexis over, trying to gauge what she is thinking but she can't tell. That probably is not a good sign. She steps around the kitchen island, taking a couple of steps towards the girl, and then stops again. "Is… Is this okay with you?" she asks softly.

Alexis lifts an amused eyebrow at her. "Are you asking for my permission, Kate?"

Kate flushes, realizing that yes, that is exactly what she is doing. "No… Yes… Maybe?"

This earns her a smile from Alexis.

"So?" Kate asks again when Alexis does not answer.

"It's really none of my business." Alexis looks down at the keys in her hands, jingling them a little.

Shit. That was definitely not good.

"Yes it is," Kate adds stubbornly.

Alexis looks at her again, assessing, and then walks towards one of the stools at the kitchen island and sits down. "Okay, please don't get me wrong, I think you and Dad would be amazing together. You already were…" She looks at Kate who is now standing by the kitchen island, palms on the counter top, looking nervous.

Kate smiles at her and nods for her to continue.

"I just worry." She frowns as if trying to find the right words. "It may not be my place, but I don't know any other way to say this. The way my dad feels about you, Kate, he never had that with anyone before, not with mom or Gina or anyone…" She swallows. "I just don't want him to get hurt, that's all," she says the last part tentatively, testing.

It was enough that she got what Alexis really meant. I just don't want you to hurt him.

Kate looks down at her hands, unable to keep the girl's gaze. She thought talking to Castle and explaining things would be the end of it. But it seems she has more explaining to do, someone else to be vulnerable with. She knows Alexis deserves at least this from her, she put her dad through a lot, and then she wasn't even there to witness the mess she made, that they made, but Alexis was. She takes a deep breath and laces her fingers together on the counter top. Looking right at Alexis, she says, "Alexis, I know that I will have to show you this and that my words are not enough, at least not right now. But I love your dad and yes, it has taken a lot for us to get here, but we are finally here, and I'm done. I'm not going anywhere; I want this as much as he does." She pauses a second to let that register and then continues, "I can't promise that I won't hurt him and that he won't hurt me, that's just a part of this. I can tell you that I want to be there to also make it better when I can." She considers for a second, "There are things that I would like to tell you about your dad and I, maybe not now, but later when we get to know each other a little better." Then she smiles nervously at the girl, "If… If you want that as well?" She is holding her breath to see if any of what she said eases the girl. She is only met with silence.

"Okay," Alexis nods and gives a little sincere smile, "And I'd really like that, Kate."

I guess this will be enough for now.

Kate just gives her a big smile. "Now, if you'll just tell me where I can find the spatula so I can make us some eggs."

Alexis smiles, "Third drawer at the other end of the island and sorry, but I'm going out for breakfast with Paige and some friends. I just needed to get my wallet." She gives an apologetic smile, "Next time?"

"Sure." Kate returns the smile as she goes to hunt for the spatula.

"Where is dad?"

"Oh, he's in-" she starts to answer absent-mindedly then clamps her mouth shut, searching for a more appropriate answer that does not hint at what they were up to. Nothing.

But Alexis just holds up a hand to stop her. "You know what, I don't want to know," she states, but it's teasing.

Kate blushes. She just doesn't know how to do this with his daughter.

"Alright, so say hi for me, I'm going to go grab that wallet and head out," Alexis says a little awkwardly because apparently she also doesn't know how to do this.

"Okay" is all Kate says. She then shakes her head at this whole thing when Alexis disappears upstairs.

* * *

"Mmm, that smells good," he says, walking towards her from his office.

"Took you long enough!" she hisses and then looks up to glare at him, except he looks too good, clean, fresh shaven and all too relaxed. No, she is mad at him, so she just averts her eyes to stay mad at him.

"Whoa, what did I do?" he asks as he leans to kiss her cheek and then draws back to go make the coffee.

"You could've told me you already talked to Alexis about us." She does in fact glare at him this time.

He turns to face her. "It didn't come up; we were kind of distracted you know," he wiggles his eyebrows at this.

She presses her lips together, fighting a smile, "Castle, I'm serious! I just had to have the 'what's your intention' talk with your daughter!" She frowns, "It was scary…"

Now he is trying not to smile. "Yeah, kind of was…" he contemplates.

Her eyes widen, "You were listening?" then she socks him on the arm.

"Well how long did you think it took for me to take a shower?" he says, glaring at her and rubbing his arm, "Besides, you two seemed to be having a moment and I didn't want to ruin it…"

"So you decided to eavesdrop?" she argues, her hand at her hip.

"Of course!" he replies as if it's the most logical thing. Then he is smiling like an idiot.

"What?" she asks, a little irritated.

His smile just gets bigger, "You're in my kitchen, making breakfast, yelling at me."

The domesticity of the whole thing just hits her and she flushes, but before she can say anything, he has her wrapped in his arms, forehead against hers. She closes her eyes and realizes how good he smells.

"I love you in my kitchen, yelling at me," he smirks.

This time she can't stop her smile.

* * *

"But why do you have to go?" he whines.

"Because we are supposed to have a date tonight."

"So?"

"Our first date, Castle. We have to do it right." She doesn't like that he is looking at her like she is crazy.

He laughs, "You do know that we did some pretty non-first date stuff already." He smiles cheekily and adds, "Like a lot…"

She blushes but she won't be out done by him, so she lifts an eyebrow, "How do you know what I do on a first date?"

His eyes flicker at that and she can see this going somewhere other than where she needs it to go. But maybe she wants it to, just a little. There is no winning with this man.

"I didn't even bring anything to wear with me." She goes to where he is sitting on the bed, stands in the V of his legs and wraps her arms around his neck. "So let me go home, so I can get dressed, so that you can pick me up and we can go on this date. Okay? And don't be late, Castle. And bring me flowers!" she orders.

He tugs her against him. "I love it when you're bossy. So hot..."

She bites her lower lip, "Are you even listening to me?"

He sighs. "What am I supposed to do until then?" he asks, settling his hands on her hips.

"You go write, because I want my book," she suggests.

"Your book?" he asks amused.

"It's about me, isn't it?" she challenges.

"It's about Nikki Heat," he states matter-of-factly.

"I'm Nikki Heat." She knows she is not; she just wants to be stubborn.

He gives her that crooked smile that wrinkles his blue eyes, "No, you are not," he says firmly, then adds, "I can never create someone that would do you justice. I'm never going to be able to solve you, Kate."

She has to take a deep breath to keep herself intact.

* * *

 **AN: This was a difficult chapter to write for some reason but endlessly fun. I hope the short snippets didn't ruin the vibe, I wanted to give the feeling of the bubble they are in, hope that worked…**

 **Please let me know what you thought of this chapter ^_^**

 **: Thank you! Hot date coming right up ;)**

 **stefi: sorry took long to update! Thank you for the review I'm really glad its coming across like that: D**

 **TORONTOSUN: Thank you for your kind words! I'm excited about writing Lanie and Kate soon!**

 **Marten Kemp: Please keep them coming! Sorry I know how annoying those misspelling can be, specially if your particular about them: s getting a Beta-reader and I'm fixing those you pointed out, please let me know if you notice anymore. Thank you.**

 **ceboy08: Thank you so much, your reviews always make me happy :D got to love that Lanie!**

 **ucsbdad: Thank you. Fixed! And thanks for pointing it out.**

 **guests: sorry don't know your names but Fixed! And thanks for pointing it out.**

 **Sage: Fixed! And thanks for pointing it out.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

* * *

She is riffling through her closet, looking for her other heel when she hears his knock on her door and she smiles.

The hardwood floor squeaks under her bare feet as she walks across her living room to open the door for him, smiling at him, "Hey blue eyes."

He grins at that, but then he looks her over, noticing the black chiffon dress. His eyes meet hers again, a glint in them. "You look beautiful, Kate," he whispers.

She blushes at the sincerity in his voice. "You're looking rather dapper yourself." _He really does look good and he still hasn't shaved. Good._

And now they are standing there, staring at each other like idiots. Castle snaps out of it first, bringing the flowers from behind his back, "One order of flowers." He offers her the tulips with a crooked smile.

She takes the flowers from him, closes her eyes, smiling at the smell of them. "They are beautiful, Rick. Thank you." She leans forward to kiss his cheek. _That stubble feels good. Behave Kate._

"My pleasure."

"Come in." She waves him in, "I'll just put these in some water and go get my heels."

"Take your time."

He is watching her as she goes about her kitchen, getting a vase for the flowers, her dress's top layer of chiffon whirls a little as she moves. Her hair is drawn back from her face, falling on her tan shoulders covered only by the spaghetti straps of her dress. _Yeah, he is in trouble._

"So, are you going to get over here and kiss me or what?" she asks, arranging the flowers in the vase, not looking at him. The smirk on her face is very clear.

"I can do that." He strides to her and she turns towards him as he puts a hand on her hip pulling her to him, his other hand around the back of her neck, thumb grazing her cheek slowly. "You really do look beautiful," he says, and then he kisses her slowly. It's like he is trying to take a part of her with him. She is pretty sure he does too, because nobody has ever kissed her like that before.

Her eyes are still closed when he pulls back. She swallows and then leans against him, again burying her face against his neck, not ready to be away from him just yet, hands clutching his jacket between them.

"You smell good."

He chuckles at that and she can feel it vibrate through her. "Thanks." Then he feels her lips soft against his neck, against his jaw, hovering there.

"And I like it when you don't shave. It's sexy." Her hands run up his chest, stopping under the collar of his shirt.

He is mesmerized by her, the one that loves him like this. "Recommended by Paula, apparently drives sales up."

"Just me now," she challenges. She bites at his jaw, then kisses that same spot, her tongue soothes it slowly.

His hands on her hips tighten, "Kate," his voice raspy but warning.

"What time did you say our reservation is again?" _Maybe they can…_

"In half an hour." His head drops to her shoulder, and then he drops a kiss against her shoulder and draws back from her. "Let's go, Kate Beckett, or you won't get your first date."

She sighs.

* * *

"Castle, this place is amazing." She looks around the cozy space, shelves of wine bottles lining the walls, the dark atmosphere.

"Yeah, I have always loved it." He smiles at her from across the narrow wooden table.

She nods.

"I usually come here with mother and Alexis; they love the tiramisu here," he adds knowingly.

She bites the corner of her lips. "I didn't ask," she says, feeling a need to defend herself.

"You weren't asking very loudly."

She smiles at the familiar words.

They order and the waiter brings them a bottle of wine.

"So I guess I can't ask you all the first date type of questions, huh?"

She chuckles, "Guess not." She runs her finger along the white table cloth as if contemplating something. "You know, whenever I imagined us doing this there wasn't much talking."

He lifts a surprised eyebrow at her, smirking.

"God, not like that!" she laughs, "I _mean_ , it feels like I just imagined the feeling of it, not the details. You know?"

"You imagined us doing this?" he asks, genuinely surprised.

"Yes!" she says a little defensively.

"And how does it feel now?" he asks calmly.

She can see the hope in his eyes, despite his tone. "It feels pretty great, Castle."

He reaches for her hand and brings it to his mouth to kiss. "That it does."

The waiter brings their orders and refills their wine.

"I spoke to my dad today," she tells him as she takes a bite of her Rigatoni alla Siciliana.

"Yeah?" he asks a little cautiously.

She nods.

"How is he?"

"He's good; I'm going to see him for brunch next Sunday." She looks at him, "He asked if you wanted to come."

He's suddenly nervous, doesn't know what the right answer is. Was it even a question? "Um, do you want me to come?"

"I do," she says with an amused tone, obviously noticing his nerves.

"Okay, then I'll come," he smiles, then his eyes narrow at her, "Should I be worried?"

She laughs. "Really, Castle? Come on, you know my dad likes you."

"Yeah, but its different now." He thinks about if it was Alexis and cringes.

"Don't worry, he was happy when I told him. In fact, his exact words were, 'Finally Katie! I've never seen you be dumb about something for so long.'" She rolls her eyes in irritation at the memory.

He laughs at that, "I think your dad and I will be just fine then."

She glares at him.

"Are we telling people?" he asks suddenly.

She sighs because this is something she has been pushing aside. "I don't know, I mean Captain Gates won't be happy about it, department regulations and all. She may not let you tag along anymore."

"Even if I'm not technically working for the NYPD?"

"I'm not sure she would see it that way." She takes a sip of her wine. "I mean my dad, Alexis and Martha know. I'm pretty sure Lanie knows too. I know we won't be able to keep this to ourselves for long, but-"

"Yeah, I know, no need for page six just yet." He smiles when she groans at that. "It's going to happen, Kate. Unfortunately, I can't stop that."

"I know, I know, and that's okay," she smiles at him reassuringly, "Just maybe not now?"

"Not now." He agrees, this bubble is just fine with him.

She reaches over and takes his hand in hers, weaving their fingers together, thumb tracing the lines of his palm, just because.

"I can't believe that you can still surprise me like this," he says, watching her thumb making those distracting patterns across his palm.

She smiles but there is a question in her eyes. "Not what you expected?"

"No," he answers honestly, "You are so much more."

Her lips quirk in a smile, and he hears how it may have sounded and quickly corrects, stumbling,

"Not that I thought you were less- It's just that I-" he sighs. Richard Castle. Death by words.

She laughs. "It's okay, Rick, I know what you're saying. I think."

"It's just you're more open than I thought you would be," he insists on explaining, hoping that it comes across right.

She nods. "I think it's because of the therapy." Her hand is now just playing with his fingers, trying to distract herself a little. "I feel like it made me want to share, to enjoy it."

"I'm glad, Kate, because I want it all."

She smiles and nods. _It's already yours. But yeah, baby steps._

The waiter comes and asks if they want dessert and they order a tiramisu to share.

Then he hesitantly asks about her therapy, not sure if she wants to talk about it, but she doesn't seem to mind. So she tells him about Dr. Burke, what he's like.

"You would like him and I think he would like you too, at least as far as I can tell."

"You talk about me?"

She just nods and smirks at him.

"That can't be good."

She just laughs. "He helps me. Not just with my mother's murder, but other things too. Helps me let go, be less in control, be okay with it."

He nods but then feels a need to lighten the mood. "I like controlling Beckett though. She is all kinds of sexy."

She presses her lips together, trying not to smile.

"You don't fool me you know," she states as she takes a bite from the tiramisu, not looking at him but a smile tugging at the corner of her mouth.

"Oh?" he says, endlessly amused.

She looks at him from under her eyelashes, that half smile still maintained, "Not one bit."

Then his smile is just too _Castle_. Wild and sexy. Trouble.

"You like your control just as much as I do. You're the dangerous kind too. In control but no one seems to notice, you let them come to you," she states with a shrug. Takes another bite, then she adds as an after thought, "I like that about you."

God he loves her. He leans in, eyes holding hers, voice low and entirely too inappropriate. "You like it when _I'm_ in control, Kate?"

 _Shit_.

* * *

She wakes up alone in his bed and she can see the light seeping through the blinds. Her hand swipes at the empty space next to her and the sheets are cold under her palm. She can smell the faint smell of coffee. _Since when does he wake up early? And why on my day off?_

She goes to freshen up in his en suite, comes out still wearing his dress shirt and finds him at his desk typing like a mad man, hair disheveled, and a pot of coffee at his side.

He looks up, startled, as if he has forgotten she was here but then offers her a distracted smile,

"Good Morning, Beautiful."

"Morning," she says, her tone tentative, because this is Richard Castle, the writer greeting her, not her partner, and it's messing with her head. She realizes she has never seen him write. Sure, she's seen the few scribbles on notebooks here and there and brief time at his laptop at the 12th, but that's all. Not the wild man in front of her.

"Coffee is in the kitchen," he goes back to typing, "Other pot I mean, this one is cold."

"O-okay" Is he ignoring her? "Thanks." Walking to the kitchen, she pours herself a cup of coffee.

She makes herself breakfast, washes the dishes she used, takes a shower and gets dressed. She tries her best not to hover because he is still at his desk. He still hasn't kissed her good morning and she is torn, torn between wanting his attention and just wanting to go sit in the study and watch him write. She wants to watch how those books are created from scratch. But she doesn't know if she can do that, if that will mess up his flow or something. She is considering making the bed. _Screw it, he stared at me doing my job for three years. It's my turn._

She goes and sits at one of the leather chairs opposite his desk; he looks up and smiles at her as if he wasn't ignoring her all morning. "Hey there," he whispers at her softly but then starts typing again before she even replies.

She watches and listens to the keyboard strokes, stopping and starting as he squints at the screen, trying to make it fit, trying to organize the thoughts in his head. She watches as smiles tug at his lips every once in a while. _Is that because of something funny Nikki says or because he got the writing right?_

Every once in a while he will look up and smile knowingly at her and then look down to continue typing, as if he knows something she doesn't. It annoys her endlessly that he actually does, because he is writing it and he won't let her read it. Not yet.

This goes on for almost an hour and she's had enough. He hasn't kissed her good morning yet. He is wrapped up in Nikki Heat. _I'm jealous of a fictional character. Perfect._

He looks at her again with that knowing look. It makes her feel out of control, and not in the way she wants to let go of either. It makes her feel like she is actually a muse; a muse for this crazy disheveled man sitting across from her, manipulating words to create a world that is her and not her at the same time. It leaves her in a strange mix of anger and arousal; anger at not being included, at being replaced by Nikki and arousal at knowing that she is watching him write this because of her.

She gets up from her seat and walks towards him, around the desk so that she is standing next to him. He stops and looks up at her and when she has his attention.

"You may want to save your work, Rick."

"What?"

She doesn't repeat herself, just starts to gently tilt his laptop's screen closed to make her point.

"Okay, okay. Hold on a second."

She watches as he saves his work and closes the document and then she snaps his laptop shut. _She will not be out done by Nikki Heat._

He swivels his chair towards her and looks up. "Hi."

She holds his gaze as she leans forward, one hand on the back support of his chair, her knees coming to rest on either side of his thighs, straddling him in his chair.

He sits up in the chair, a little startled by her, and swallows thickly.

"You didn't kiss me good morning, Rick," she challenges and lifts an eyebrow at him.

His hands fall to her hips, "Sorry, I get sucked in sometimes when I write and I can't stop or I'll lose the flow of ideas." He leans in to kiss her but her hand on his shoulder keeps him in place.

"I noticed."

He has no clue if she is mad at him.

"Did you even sleep last night?"

"Yeah, I just woke up early and couldn't go back to sleep."

She nods, "I was watching you write."

"I thought staring was creepy?" he smirks, repeating her words to her.

This makes her smile. "Are you calling me creepy?"

"Well, your words, not mine," he teases.

She huffs at him. She thought he would try to back peddle but he didn't and she kind of likes that. Not going to tell him that though. She pretends to try and get off him, no real effort behind it.

He wraps his arms around her waist, bringing her closer to him, "Where are you going? I want my morning kiss too."

She wants to refuse him, make him pay for making her wait, but she can't, because he was writing about her, not her.

This time when he leans in she doesn't stop him, her hand on his neck bringing him closer.

He smiles at her, "Good Morning."

She smiles too.

"How long have you been writing?"

He glances at the clock on his desk and shrugs, "A few hours."

She is threading her fingers through his hair, rearranging it.

He can see that there is something on her mind, something she isn't sure she wants to share, so he gives her a little push. "Hey."

Her eyes meet his, waiting.

"I'm sorry to have gotten caught up in writing, thank you for breaking me out of it."

She smiles and nods at him and he can see that this is not what is bothering her. "It's just I never saw you write about her, about me, but not really me."

He draws back a little to get a better look at her face and he is surprised at what he finds. _Is she jealous of Nikki?_

"You know it used to scare me," she says, bringing him out of his thoughts. "The details in the Nikki Heat books I mean, things that you observed. In the beginning it used to scare me, how you can see all that."

"Why? I mean, I know you like your privacy, but you knew that I was there to observe."

"I guess I didn't want to be figured out that easily?" she smiles, "It's silly but I wanted to be more complicated than being contained in a book."

" _More_ complicated?!" he huffs, teasing her.

She laughs, "But it also made me pay attention too, balance out the playing field." She smirks at him. She knows though that she was never able to really figure him out, not in a real way.

"Does it scare you now?" he asks seriously, because while he knew that the details he put in his novels may have annoyed her, made her feel out of control at first, he hopes that this is not the case now. He wants her to be able to feel safe, to share.

"Sometimes," she says honestly, "But mostly it just makes me see that you love me. It assures me."

He smiles at her, "That's good, Kate. Because I do. I love you."

"I love you too."

* * *

 **AN: Thank you all for your reviews and support. Keeps me going ^_^. A huge thank you to the kind adama-roslinlove.**

 **ceboy08: Thank you. You made my day! I hope you had a great weekend as well ^_^**

 **philliesfan1000: Thank you I'm so glad to convince you to read the rest of it, hope you enjoyed that. 3**

 **PhoebeLuv25: Thank you! I hope you like this one as well.**

 **Stefi: Thank you I do agree with you on that, thank you for always reviewing, I really appreciate hearing your thoughts.**

 **TORONTOSUN: I've always loved the interaction between Lanie and Kate, hopefully will explore some of that in the coming chapters.**

 **Sissysi01: I'm so glad you liked it :D, hope you like this one as well. Welcome aboard ;)**

 **stfd51: Yey, thank you for the kind words, I hope you enjoy this as well**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: I'm so sorry for the late chapter!**

 **Chapter Ten**

* * *

"And why not?" he asks, tightening his hold on her waist.

"Because-" she starts, closing her eyes when he lowers his lips to the column of her throat, his stubble scratching against her skin, making her lose her thoughts for a second. "Because we are going to be late."

"So?" he retorts, undeterred as he unbuttons the few fastened buttons on the dress shirt that she decided was hers for the night. He sprawls his palm against her stomach, "Let's be late."

"We can't," she says resolutely, but then buries her fingers in his hair, tugging him even closer, which causes him to smile against her.

"C'mon," he coaxes playfully, "We don't have an open case yet, what's the harm in-"

Her phone vibrates on the night stand and he closes his eyes tightly in annoyance.

She sighs under him, "You were saying…" She pats his arm and he drops back next to her, arm covering his eyes as she reaches for her phone.

"Beckett," she clips.

He drops his arm to his side and glances at her, staring down at her unbuttoned shirt and her skin, so inviting.

"Where?" she asks, while giving him a pointed look and starts buttoning her shirt.

He narrows his eyes at her.

"Okay, I'll be right there."

She hangs up the phone and drops it next to her. She looks at him, leaning up on his elbows, disheveled hair and bare chest, his eyes reflecting the morning light just staring back at her. Her heart feels like it might just overspill from love. _I can get used to this…_

"We have to go, don't we?" he asks quietly, relishing in the love he can see in her eyes.

"Yeah," she says, her tone as disappointed as his.

* * *

She parks her car as close to the crime scene as she can, watching the group of people that are collected around the yellow tape of the scene, and then nods to one of the uniforms as she ducks under the tape. She walks towards where Lanie is hunched over a body of a young woman with red hair. She nods at Espo who is talking to someone, maybe whoever reported the body. "Hey Lanie."

"Hey," she replies distractedly as she collects a sample from the victim.

Ryan joins her and starts giving her a summary of the situation. "We have what appears to be a teenage female with a clean cut through her throat. No identification or personal belongings found on her."

"Hey guys," Castle greets as he walks over to join them as well.

Kate gives him a quick glance and nods to him, watching the frown on his face as he takes a look at the victim. The red hair must have thrown him off.

"Hey," greets Ryan. "The slit throat seems to be too severe for it to be just a mugging gone wrong."

"Depends on what was mugged. She isn't wearing any jewelry, not even a watch…" adds Castle.

"These clothes are designer; she may have been wealthy." Lanie looks up at them.

"Any signs of sexual assault?" asks Kate, crouching next to Lanie to take a look at the wound along the victim's throat.

"Not that I can tell, I'll know more later."

Kate nods at her friend.

"Time of death?" asks Castle.

"Somewhere after midnight, will get back to you with a more specific time, however, it seems our killer left us a clue."

"What kind of clue?" asks Kate, before the M.E. hands her a plastic bag with a small piece of paper with a hand written note [Time of Death: 3:20 AM].

"Huh." She then hands the note to Castle.

"Yeah, I'll confirm that for you."

"Okay, thank you. Anything else?"

"That is it for now."

Kate stands and walks with Castle towards Espo.

"Hey Kate," calls Lanie, and adds when her friend turns, "Lunch today?"

Kate smiles, already knowing what's to come, "Okay, I'll text you."

Castle snickers from next to her and says in a sing song voice, "Someone's in trouble."

"Shut up."

* * *

Espo walks to the murder board and hangs a photo of their victim, "So our victim is Jennifer Martins, 17 years old, goes to Rudolf Steiner High School. Her parents filed a missing persons report early this morning."

"Cameras in the park?" Kate asks.

"No cameras in that area but Ryan is reviewing the ones closest to that area and the ones at the park's entrances."

Kate nods. "Okay, Castle and I will go see the parents. You guys talk to the school, see if they can be helpful."

"You got it." Espo nods and goes to find Ryan.

Kate heads to the break room where she finds Castle talking on the phone.

"No pumpkin, just wanted to say hi, that's all," he says into the phone.

She watches him from the door, smiling at his need to assure himself that Alexis is fine.

"Dinner tonight?" he asks, but turns around to look at Kate, "Love you too."

When he turns around, he finds Kate smiling softly at him. "Just wanted to check on her," he says sheepishly as he vaguely points towards the murder board.

"I know, Castle." She walks towards him and stands close enough without drawing attention to them. Looking at him, she smiles assuring. "You're a good dad, Rick. Alexis is fine."

He nods at her.

"Now, let's go get some answers."

* * *

"Ready to go?" Kate asks as she walks through the double doors of the morgue.

"Yeah, but since you're here, let me show you something before we head out."

Kate walks towards the victim's body on the autopsy table.

"So, I was able to estimate the time of death between 2 and 4 AM, so the note may be accurate, can't be sure." She removes the clothes covering the body and points to the inside of the victim's left elbow. "I also found a needle puncture mark so I ran a tox screen, the victim had Ketamine in her blood within the time of death."

"Isn't that a rape drug?"

"Yeah, but it can also be used to knock someone out or as an anesthetic. I guess that's its purpose here since there are no signs of sexual assault on the victim."

Kate frowns, "The killer didn't want her to suffer."

Lanie shrugs and covers the body, then takes off her gloves. "I'll get my jacket and we can go."

Kate nods as she texts the update to Espo and Ryan.

* * *

"So where is Writer boy?" Lanie finally asks after some idle chatting with her friend.

"Around," Kate supplies as she plays with her food.

Lanie smirks, "Are we really going to do this?"

"What?" she looks up at Lanie, challenging. _Nobody said she had to make this easy for her friend._

Lanie just stares at her and then she sighs, "So I always have to ask, huh? You can't just tell me."

"Where's the fun in that?" Kate smirks, because honestly she didn't want to hide this from Lanie, in fact, she was pretty sure she was dying to spill it all to her friend, but everybody has to play their roles. She is the collected one and Lanie likes prying the information from her.

Lanie chuckles. "I'm on to you, Kate Beckett." She points at her friend with her fork, "You and writer boy finally got your heads out of your asses?"

Kate glares at her, "I wouldn't put it like that but yes we, umm, worked things out."

"That better mean you jumped his bones," Lanie warns.

Kate laughs and shakes her head at her friend and then adds, "I might have…"

"Finally! You two took your sweet time." Lanie smiles wide at her friend, "So, worth the wait?"

It was Kate's turn to smile at her friend.

* * *

"Good of you to grace us with your presence, Castle," Espo teases as he spots Castle walking towards them.

"So I guess I should get rid of these sandwiches?" Castle asks as he lifts the bag in front of Espo.

Espo looks between Kate and Castle as he smiles and snatches the bag from Castle. "I take it back. Thanks man!" He then walks away.

Kate chuckles at that and leans on her desk to look at the murder board.

He copies her. "Missed you," he whispers so that only she can hear him. He turns to see the blush and smiles because he loves that little things like this affect her.

"How was your meeting? Gina happy?" she asks.

He chuckles, "Gina's never happy."

She smiles.

"But yes, she is not yelling at me. How was your lunch with Lanie? Confess all your sins yet?"

She smirks and lifts an eyebrow at him, "Every single one."

He grimaces, "Just tell me, will I be able to have eye contact with her ever again?"

She tilts her head to the side in consideration, "Umm, maybe not for a while."

He sighs, and then he nods at the board, "Ketamine?"

"Yeah, Lanie says she was drugged but there are no signs of sexual assault."

"He didn't want her to feel pain," he states and she nods. His eyes look over the information on the board, "So he sedates the victim, slits her throat, leaves a time of death for us like he wants to help us and then sets up the body as if she is lying in a coffin at peace."

Kate just looks at him, knowing he is about to say either something insightful or something completely ridiculous.

"Feels like he is trying to tell us a story." He turns to her, "Like he is recreating a story?"

She quirks an eyebrow, "You think this happened to someone the killer cared about?"

"Or a version of it." He speculates, "Worth checking out, no?"

She nods. God she loves his mind; loves it when he sees things that none of them noticed. It is such a turn on, it always was, except now she can actually do something about it instead of deny it with everything she was. She leans in close, knowing that to everyone else they are just standing close, and without even looking at him she says, "I love it when you do that."

He smirks and quirks an eyebrow, "Do what, Detective?"

"You know what I meant." _God, this is going to inflate his ego, she just knows!_

"Tell me anyway."

Two can play at this. She is silent for a second but then turns to face him, sucks her bottom lip between her teeth and stares at him. She got him. "The way you see things no one else sees, your imagination, how your mind works…" her voice whispering, pupils dilated.

He swallows. Shit, she is playing with him and he loves it. "It turns you on, doesn't it?" he was never one to back down. He can see the little flush crawling up her neck and he pushes even more. "You know, Kate," he leans a little closer, his mouth now right at her ear, "My imagination is not limited to solving murders, want to see how _imaginative_ I can be?"

She has to bite her lip at the clench of arousal she feels at his words. "Let's wrap this up so we can go home, Castle."

Then he is just grinning like the Cheshire cat.

* * *

They look up at the loft's door to find Alexis there holding a couple of shopping bags.

"Hey guys," she smiles at them.

"Hi Pumpkin," Castles leans up to return his daughter's hug.

"Hey Alexis," Kate says as she smiles at her.

"Sick of Paige yet?" asks Castle, lifting an eyebrow at her.

Alexis takes a seat on the chair opposite the couch, dropping her bags next to her. "I love her, but maybe seeing each other everyday is not a good idea. I need a break," she shrugs.

Kate smiles at that.

"So what are you guys doing?" Alexis says, leaning over to look at the folders spread in front of Kate on the floor, eyes widening as she recognizes the photos from her father's smart board. "Oh."

She stands, "Sorry Kate, I didn't mean to-"

"No, Alexis, its fine. Please don't go." She gives the girl a small smile.

The girl meets her eyes and Kate can see the hesitance there, "Are you sure, Kate? I mean, really its fine, I don't have to…" She is not sure how to finish her sentence so she leaves it hanging.

"Yes, I'm sure." She gives Alexis a pointed look as if to affirm her point, "Your dad was just showing me what he has so far on the case but this can wait." And she starts collecting the papers around her.

Alexis looks at her dad, not sure what for, but she just needs guidance on this. She understands he has to do this, that he feels responsible. She understands it intellectually, but seeing it now, them working on this case, makes her uneasy. She doesn't know how to maneuver this. "Okay," she says as she takes a seat on the chair again, still a little rigid. She looks between her dad and Kate and can't help but ask while staring at her clasped hands in her lap, "You-" she starts and looks up, seeing them both looking at her. "You guys are being carful, right?" she whispers.

Kate is completely unprepared for the look on Alexis' face and her heart clenches in guilt. She stares at the girl, completely at loss. What can she say really, nothing comforting will be true? _I don't know how to do this! What do I do?_

She is so relieved when Castle steps in. "Honey, you know that I wouldn't lie to you," he pauses to emphasize his point and glances over at Kate who looks like she is freaking out. "Yes, it is dangerous, but I promise we are being careful, slow and steady. This is just something that we have to do."

"I know, I understand," she replies in a resigned tone as if trying to convince herself. "I just don't want to see you get hurt." She looks at Kate who is now staring at the file in her hand and continues, "Either of you, Kate."

Kate meets her eyes again, this time Alexis' eyes are softer, offering her understanding that she knows she really doesn't deserve and she suddenly feels overwhelmed by how much she wants to not disappoint this girl.

The air is heavy with the silence that has fallen over them.

"Did you guys eat yet?" Alexis asks, eager to move on from the awkward moment.

"Umm, I actually was going to head home?" It ends up sounding more like a question than a statement, because she suddenly feels like she is imposing. _I really don't know how to do this._

Castle looks at her questioningly; they planned to have dinner here.

"No, come on, at least stay for dinner?" Alexis asks.

Castle smiles at his daughter. Thank god for Alexis.

Alexis extends her olive branch even further, "You have to show me how you made that pasta. I had some of the leftovers, it was great." She smirks at Kate, "You don't want me starving all the way over at Colombia, do you?"

Kate smiles knowingly at Alexis, "No, I guess we can't have that." _Those Castles_. Kate stands, extending a hand to Alexis, pulling her off the couch. If Alexis is trying, she can too. "Let's go. Man, you guys are dramatic!"

"You have my mother to thank for that. God job, Alexis, she will be proud." Castle winks at his daughter, with a smile splitting his face at the interaction before him.

Kate smiles as they head for the kitchen. "Get anything good?" she says, nodding at the bags, trying to relax both herself and Alexis.

"Yeah, a few things for the dorm. Frames and such." She smiles, appreciating Kate's gesture.

"Excited to start?" she asks Alexis as she opens the refrigerator, collecting the ingredients.

"Yes. There is so much to do there; I honestly don't know where to begin."

Kate sighs, remembering her first year at Stanford. "That overwhelming feeling is the best though, no?"

"Absolutely. Terrifying excitement."

Kate laughs at that, happy to find that she can actually get along with Alexis very well, without all that heaviness between them.

* * *

A/N: Thank you all for your continuous support, it really makes my day. A big thank you for the kind adama-roslinlove for helping me with this!

 **TORONTOSUN** : I hope you liked the Lanie interaction, sorry it was short though! Thank you for always reviewing.

 **Sissysi01** : Thank you for your kind words! I'm glad you like the story, can't wait to hear your thoughts on this chapter. I'm glad you liked the date, I'm glad that's how it came across ^_^

 **stfd51** : I'm really glad your enjoying this! I hope you like this chapter as well

 **ceboy08** : Thank you for the kind words and for always reviewing, I love hearing what you think.

 **FAN** : Thank you for that! I'm very faltered, please let me know what you think of this chapter

 **Guest** : lol I'll keep an M rated companion in mind, don't know if I'll dare though.

 **philliesfan1000** : thank you I'm glad you liked it, I was always fascinated by that side of their story.

 **stars90** : Thank you! I was excited about writing that part ^_^


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Nothing I can see will be a good enough excuse, right? I'm just sorry guys!**

* * *

"What?" she asks him even though she is fighting her own smile, because she knows what's going through his head.

His smile just widens, "We are going to work together, after being together all night." He glances at her and watches as the smile finally lights her face, eyes still on the road.

All she says is, "Yeah," but her smile is enough to show that she too understands how precious this moment is.

He plays with her radio and the soft guitar fills the car, dissuading her from reprimanding him about it.

She smiles again at the feeling washing over her, fighting the urge to close her eyes and enjoy this feeling that can only be brought on by the settled coffee in her blood stream, tugged loose by soft music filling the space around her. Elated peace.

"Good song?" he asks, lifting an eyebrow at her.

"Seems to be. Nice lyrics." She glances sideways at him, a smile still tugging at her lips.

 _I'll be good. I'll be good and I'll love the world like I should._

 _For all of the times I never could._

He nods a smile of his own and then stares out of his side window for a moment, contemplating, then adds randomly, "I listen to a specific song whenever I'm writing a book, helps me get in the mood, and forces my mind… You know?"

Her eyes light up at that. She always loved when he shared things like this, things about Richard Castle the writer. "Yeah?"

"Yeah, Livin' On a Prayer was on a loop all through writing In a Hail of Bullets. Can't hear that without thinking of McAllister."

"Livin' On a Prayer. Huh…" she smiles.

He suddenly feels self-conscious. "What?" he asks a little defensively.

"It's just strange," she continues when she glances at the confused look on his face, "I mean, I read that ages ago. It's just before the whole Nikki Heat books I didn't have an image of you writing…" She grins, "And now I have a young Richard Castle typing away listening to Livin' On a Prayer in my head."

He matches her grin, endlessly amused. "Beckett, does that mean you were picturing me since we met…" His grin then turns crooked. "Doing stuff?" he adds in a whisper. His eyes light up at the blush that colors her cheeks. He watches as she tightens her jaw, indignant, and he knows he caught her off guard. Oh yeah, he will definitely have to interrogate her about that. Soon.

"No," she huffs weakly and tightens her hold on the steering wheel at the images that cloud her mind, "And stop distracting me, I'm trying to drive here."

"Okay, Detective. We will talk about this later then."

"In your dreams, Castle."

"We can talk about those too," he smirks. He turns to find that tight lip smile he loves.

Then she chews on the inside of her cheek trying not to ask, but she just has to know. So she sighs and asks shyly, "What do you listen to when you write Nikki?"

He smirks knowingly with a dreamy look, "Ahh, Nikki. Well, for the first book, Heat Wave, I thought Wildflower was befitting." He watches for her reaction, giddy when he sees the faint blush and the satisfied smile.

"Got a thing for Bon Jovi, Castle?" she says when she doesn't know what else to say.

"You bet."

She nods. Wildflower.

"Of course there were also the Naked by Marques Houston moments," he jokes.

She glares at him.

"What! Page 105 wasn't going to write itself." He smirks.

She fights her smile, "Naked, huh, Castle?" she lifts an eyebrow.

"This is the best conversation about music that I have ever been a part of just so you know,"

he concludes dramatically.

* * *

He finds her in his office, leaning back on his desk, arms wrapped around herself. "Hey beautiful."

She smiles softly at him, "Hey."

He lifts an eyebrow at her, silently asking what she is doing.

"Why frame this?" she points to the frame on the wall holding a rejection letter.

"I didn't," he says as he walks towards her and wraps her in the circle of his arms, "My

mother did."

She scrunches her eyebrows and looks at him in question. "What?"

He smiles down at her, eyes twinkling. "This was the first rejection letter I received. I was so young, Kate, so arrogant… Ego so easily bruised," he laughs at the memory, "Moped around for days."

She smiles as she imagines this young Castle and lifts a hand to wrap around his neck, brushing her thumb at the edge of his jaw.

"So mother walks in with that," he says as he nods towards the frame, "And just sets me straight. Tells me that if I expect that my dreams will just be handed to me that I might as well go find something else to do right now. She said, 'Man up, kiddo,' and hung it on my wall."

Kate chuckles at that, "That does sound like Martha."

"Yeah. My mother may be, quirky?" he tilts his head, "But that woman will pull through for you when you need her."

"I'm glad she set you straight. I'm glad you are a writer."

"Me too." He kisses her forehead because he knows what she is saying.

"So, how many were there?"

"Rejection letters?"

"Yeah."

"Oh, I lost count!"

"Really?"

"Not everyone is a Castle Groupie like you."

She pulls on his ear. "What was that?"

"Apples! Apples!"

* * *

She really should go home, let him have time with his daughter, give him space, give herself space, but she can't. She knows it's selfish, but she just can't pull herself back, and it scares her how untethered to anything she is, how she falls into them.

Because it's so good, all of it is so good.

How he loves her, how they become one as he whispers those three words to her. The same words that gutted her when he first spoke them now elate her. All those times after when she longed to hear them again, all those times she was sure she couldn't contain her need for them anymore. Nothing else will ever be enough. This. Only this.

* * *

Thank you everyone for your kind words 3

Thank you to the ever patient adama-roslinlove for helping me with this story.

wendykw: I Love all things Lanie too, will definitely write more about them, promise. And thank you so much for the review!

Sissysi01: Thank you, I wish the show would show more of that, but I guess it's a sensitive area. Thank you very much for your kind words.

ceboy08: I feel exactly the same about what Castle really wants, I'm glad it comes across. Thank you for the reviews!

MRC83: Thank you so much for the nice words, and sorry kind of diapered for a while.

TORONTOSUN: 3! Thank you I'm glad its going in a direction you like.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve**

* * *

She knows he is right. She knows. It makes her all the angrier.

She is fuming, sitting on the corner chair in her living room, upset by everything around her. The surroundings where he still lingers even though he is gone set her off. He still lingers and it taints everything around her, makes her stomach turn with guilt and anger.

The look on his face. She needs to escape it, just for a little while. She needs to run, literally, because if she is gasping for breath, struggling to keep moving, she won't have to think. Yes, that is what she needs, not to think. She suppresses it all as she changes and grabs her keys. No phone, let the world burn.

* * *

"Richard, darling? Are you home?"

"In here, Mother," he almost whispers from his office, but it's enough in the quiet loft.

"There you are. Alexis says sh-" she takes him in, staring at the screen. "Richard, what's wrong?"

"She lied to me. She's going to get herself killed and I…" He tightens his hands on the arms of the chair, the sound of the leather straining under his fists filling the space around them.

She comes around and takes a seat on the foot rest in front of him, covering his hand with her own. Her blue eyes sparkle warmth as she says, "Why don't you tell me what happened?"

"She found a lead on her own and kept it from me." He runs a frustrated hand over his face. "I thought we were past that, hiding things, the games. I thought we were diving in together… I just thought it's what she wanted too."

"When I left in the morning you two were grossing Alexis out, making eyes at each other over breakfast. What happened?"

"She just told me about this lead of hers an hour ago," he spits out, anger still rumbling in his chest.

"A lead?"

"Yes, for her mother's case," he points dismissively at the screen. "She looked through it alone after we agreed that we would do it together. Told me after, like always. Like I'm a second thought."

His mother sighs, "What else did she say?" He sets his jaw, looks away from her, and she gets a flashback of her teenage son all over again suddenly. "Richard?" she prompts.

"I… We got into an argument and then I left." He doesn't have to turn to her to see the disapproving look on her face. "What was I supposed to do, Mother?" he whines in frustration, getting up from his seat and starting to pace around his office.

"You know, Richard, you guys have only been doing this thing for a few months now," she waves her hands together animatedly, "You can't expect that you are both now suddenly different people just because you are together."

"What is that supposed to mean?" He stands and folds his arms over his chest.

"It means that Katherine is not just going to forget about her mother's case. She has dedicated her life to find justice for her mother, it's a part of who she is." And then she stares him down, "And you, you won't stop taking things personally either."

"You think she was right?" he asks, disbelief etched into his face.

She sighs again, "No, that is not what I'm saying. I don't even know what really happened between you two. Go talk to her, Kiddo. She loves you, that much I do know."

"Maybe I don't want to talk to her right now." _He wants to yell at her some more._

She gets up and smacks the side of his head, "Don't be an idiot."

* * *

She was right. Running worked; she didn't think. For half an hour she ran, but now she is lying on the grass in central park trying to catch her breath. Trying not to see the betrayal in his eyes.

She thought that he saw that she was coming to him, that this was her including him. But he was right, she shouldn't have waited until she understood what this lead was, she just should have told him. Not that she found something big; she just found a maybe haystack. But she knows he was right.

She covers her eyes with her arm, trying to hide from the panic. The panic that she finally broke them, that she burst their bubble.

He didn't even let her explain that she didn't really put herself in danger for this lead. He just yelled and left. She wanted so bad to go after him, to make him listen, yell back at him for leaving, for assuming. Because all the things she ended up saying to him then, none of them were what she really wanted to say.

She wants to take it all back, to fix it. At least let the details of it be gone, the uncertainties wiped, wants all that is left of this to be a glow of a memory, a romanticized memory of their first fight.

She has no clue what to do with herself. She doesn't know how she is so tangled with him that her life could be so focused around him.

It's been a day since their fight, a miserable one because she didn't even have work to distract her, nothing but his absence. She doesn't know if this is the part where she gives him space or the part where she reaches out. Does she wait for him to come to her?

The only thing she knows is that it is terrible not having him by her side.

* * *

It's the text from his daughter that finally has her knocking on his door that night, the swirl of anger and regret still settling in her. But it's that text that forces her hand, so now she is here.

"Kate," he whispers as he opens the door. And for a second she sees relief on his face. She just wants this to be over.

She swallows in nervousness because now she is back to where she has to ask. "Can I come in?"

He steps out of the way, opening the door for her.

She looks around the quiet loft.

"They're not here," he offers.

"I know." She waves the phone in her hand, "Alexis… She texted me."

"She did?" he asks, confused. "She told you she was going out?"

"No," she sighs. "She texted me asking if I was okay, Rick."

He can see that she is struggling with this.

"Your daughter checked on me when we were having a fight."

And he softens, because yeah, that is Alexis. His daughter. "So you are here because of Alexis?" he challenges.

She just glares at him because he really isn't even trying. She is though, and it's new to her, to be the one doing the patching up, so she really doesn't need him being a jerk right now. "I'm here because I have more to say and you are going to listen." She was going to go with soft and understanding but this is what comes out. Dammit.

"I think you've made it all very clear, didn't you, Kate?"

"No, I didn't and you are not helping by being like this!" She takes a breath because this is really not what she wanted to say. "Castle, this," she waves her arms around the loft, "this is all new. I never had to think of other people when making decisions, least of all about my mother's case. I didn't mean to exclude you, or make you think I was going down the rabbit hole again. Because this is not what this is, it is not what happened."

"How is it not, Kate? Do you understand that someone out there is watching you under a microscope, waiting for you to inch towards the case?"

She runs her hands through her hair, frustrated, and turns away from him to sit on the living room sofa. "I don't even know what this fight is about anymore. Are you upset I didn't tell you about the lead earlier or are you upset I'm going after a lead period?"

"Both," he answers without really thinking, frowning at his own answer.

She looks at him from the sofa, not saying anything because where does that leave them.

And he sees it, the fear that he will make her choose and it's a fear that matches his own, that she won't choose him. "It scares me that you have a lead. I'm upset because you left me in the dark," he corrects. He starts again, more level headed now. "Kate," he says, and waits until her eyes are on him again, walking over to sit next to her on the sofa. "I just want to be by your side on this, all the way. I just need to have the peace of mind to know that someone has your back and I really don't want to be an after thought, Kate. I'm more, let me be more."

She reaches for his hand and clutches onto it. "Castle, you were never an after thought."

"Then why not include me?" he asks sharply because it still stings.

"I did include you," she says defensively at his tone, knowing its bullshit.

"Kate," he warns, anger flaring all over again at her dismissive attempt.

She takes a deep breath, trying to choose her words right, because so far she was failing. "Castle, this _is_ a rabbit hole. As much as I want you by my side on this, always, I also don't want it to be your obsession like it's mine."

He buries his face in his hands because this is a loop. "Kate, we are way past that. We do this together or not at all, we agreed. You can't keep doing this. I can't…"

She swallows at the desperation in his eyes, trying to make her see and she does.

"Kate, I'm not asking, I'm telling you, together or not at all."

And amidst all that is still unsaid, and the mess of what has been said, that is the only thing that registers in her mind.

"Okay."

"I'm serious, Kate," he repeats because he really needs this.

She turns to face him, "I know, I promise." She squeezes his hand, but with determined eyes she says, "But you also can't just do what you did today, you have to listen, Castle, you can't just leave and assume that I'm pushing you away."

"Okay."

She just stares at him.

"I hear you, Kate."

"Okay."

Then it's quiet, the stillness of the loft making the moment awkward. Neither one knows how to move things along.

He takes a deep breath and leans in, settling his forehead against hers. "So Alexis… Huh?"

She smiles because she sees what he is trying to do. She is grateful for this, for him.

"Yeah. Your daughter is kind of amazing, you know?"

"Yeah, yeah I do," he says and his smile fills her vision.

Then it's quiet again, but it's lighter now.

She slides her hand up his arm, leaving it on the inside of his elbow. "I'm sorry," she whispers.

He leans in and kisses her cheek, "I know, I'm sorry too, Kate." His hand moves to the back of her neck, "I don't want to do this again. Let's not do this again. God, I missed you." He buries his hand in her hair, tugging a little as his lips find hers. And it's perfect, because now they don't need the words. Now it's just them.

* * *

AN: Thank you all for reading! And Thank you to the patient **adama-roslinlove** for helping me with editing this story.

 **TORONTOSUN:** Thank you, I've always wanted to see that on the show. Thank you for always reviewing, makes my day

 **castlefan6:** thank you so much! You made my day and I hope you like this chapter as well ^_^

 **castle1966:** Thank you, I'm glad you think so!

 **Bethmorris437:** Thank you for the very kind feedback, I really appreciate it! The grammar I can't take credit for, It all goes to adama-roslinlove, my beta reader, Bliss her! Hope you like this chapter ^_^

 **stefi** :I know, very long time. Sigh…I was a bit stuck. I'm glad to know you are still reading, always look forward to read your reviews.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen**

* * *

He can hear her hurried steps against the hardwood floor from the other side of the door and he's already smiling for her.

"Hey!" she says, and an equally big smile greets him as she swings the door open. "Sorry, just got out of the shower. Why didn't you use your key?" she says, a little out of breath.

Shrugging, he says, "I like it when a door opens and you're there." He smiles softly and adds, "I missed you."

She forgets how easily his words can get her, how he can sneak them into casual conversation. She reaches out, grabs one of his suede jacket's lapels and drags him into the apartment, hugging him tightly. "I missed you too."

"Mmm, you smell good. Clean." He snuggles his nose into her neck.

She laughs at that, loosening her arms around his neck and settling them on his shoulders. "How was the trip?"

"It was fine, not important," he says dismissively as he tangles his hand in the wet strands of her hair, crushing his lips to hers. He then breaks the kiss to whisper against her lips, "This is important."

"Yeah," she says as she closes the space between them again.

He thought for sure she would want to drive judging by how she snatched the keys from his hand the last time they drove his Ferrari. But apparently he was wrong. "Are you sure?" he asks, because since when does Kate Beckett let him drive.

"Yes, it's a long drive and I don't feel like it," she says over her shoulder, moving towards the passenger side.

"Well then, you have entertainment duties." He drops their bags in the trunk and then gets in the car as well.

"Maybe I just want to take a nap?" she teases.

"You'd abandon me?"

"Sure." She shrugs.

"You just lost your radio privileges." He smirks at her, "Just as well, I made a playlist."

She laughs, but then sees his expression and stops. "Seriously? You made a playlist just for this?"

"Yes! A good playlist makes all the difference." He sees her eyes dancing as she observes him.

"So, Castle, what's on this playlist of yours?" she asks, trying to keep the amusement out of her voice.

He starts the car and the engine hums at them. "Can't tell you that. You experience a playlist, Kate," he says sternly.

"God, you are such a dork."

"Shut up, you are going to like it."

She twists her lips because yeah, she knows she will, but she also has to have the last word.

"Just drive, Castle."

* * *

At the beginning of the highway, he notices her fingers drumming against the door to the guitar in Way Down We Go, and he can't help the smug smile that takes over his face. She notices too and glances sideways at him.

"Don't be smug, Rick." She turns in her seat to face him. "I can be smug too," she challenges.

"Meaning?" he asks, his mouth still set in that infuriating smirk she loves to hate.

Quirking an eyebrow at him, she unbuckles her seat belt slowly and then slides her hand over his on the console. Not stopping, she starts moving it up his arm, watching how her fingers brush at the hairs there. As she moves her hand up to his shoulder, she glances up at him just in time to watch him swallow, and a smirk of her own forms.

"Kate, I'm driving," he warns as he resists the urge to close his eyes when her fingers tangle in the hair at his neck.

"I can see that," she states calmly. Then she brings herself closer, her lips against his ear, grazing it, "Do you have any idea how much I want you right now?" Her eyes shift quickly to watch his fingers tighten on the wheel. The hum of the raspy song playing around them makes her feel all the more powerful.

"Kate, you can't say things like that right now," he complains, because his brain can't do the teasing dance right now. He can barely keep this car in a straight line and it's all her damn fault.

"Yes, I can," she states calmly again, and then she leans back into her seat. "Why do you think I wanted you to drive?"

"Just remember, it will be your turn to drive on the way back."

She bites her lip at his threatening tone, more excited than afraid.

The song changes to a repetitive strumming of a guitar and the soft trombone and he can see the change. He glances at her as she gazes out the window. Her face is blank and as much as he likes to think that he knows her, it's these moments that makes him think again. But now they share, so he doesn't have to guess anymore. "I love this song," he offers.

 _(So apropos, saw death on a sunny snow.)_

"Yeah, me too," she says quietly, still looking out the window. "You know he recorded part of this album in a log cabin in Wisconsin?"

"Yeah, makes me love it even more. Gives it more of a story." He grins when she finally looks at him.

"I used to listen to it in my dad's cabin," she almost whispers as if she is confessing, because this is a topic they have side stepped in their let bygone be bygones policy.

"Yeah?" he hedges.

 _(Go find another lover, to bring a- to string along. For all your lies, you're still very loveable.)_

"Yeah. For a while at least."

When she doesn't continue, he pushes because he can see she is debating with herself to say something. "Kate?"

"Then I read the acknowledgment in Heat Rises." She can see those words so clearly, his message to her, they are etched into her now. How to make sense of songs.

This is not a conversation he wants to have in a car while driving, not being able to look at her, but it's not a conversation you shelf either.

"I-" he starts and then sighs, "I just wanted you to know… despite everything."

She feels the sting of tears in her eyes. She can see for all they pretend that the way they hurt each other… it lasts. "The songs made sense for me too," she says and smiles at him despite her watery eyes, "Even back then, Castle."

He doesn't say anything, but he reaches for her hand and squeezes because he's still angry, but this helps.

"I stopped listening to songs for a while after the acknowledgment because it just reminded me of all the things I tried to avoid, but those words, they also made me less… alone. Even in that solitude."

His jaw tightens because that's all he wanted back then, for her not to be alone. He lets go of her hand and pulls over on the side of the road.

She is looking at him with furrowed eyebrows, "What are you doing?"

"This," he says as he turns in his seat and leans towards her, seat belt pulling at his chest. His right hand is buried in her hair, cradling her neck, and he kisses her like he never wants her to be alone again. Like he doesn't want to be.

* * *

They hover close to each other as they go about the rest of the day, the conversation in the car hanging above them, leaving them a little needy for each other.

"So, when will Martha and Alexis join us?"

He pours them both a glass. "Saturday afternoon," he says as he pushes her glass across the counter towards her.

She nods and quirks an eyebrow at his pout.

He leans forward to rest his elbows against the counter between them. "It's Alexis' last Hampton trip before she goes to college."

She rolls her eyes. "Castle, she is going to Colombia! You got off easy, so be grateful." She then points an accusing finger at him, "And you said you wouldn't mope anymore."

"I said I wouldn't mope in front of her anymore," he corrects.

She shakes her head at him and sips her wine.

"It's just… we were always a team, you know?"

She smiles softly at him; this side of him always twists her heart. This was his saving grace those first few months when they first met, the good dad side in face of all the annoying Castle sides he had, still has. "You're a good dad, Castle." She leans in and kisses his lips, then brushes her thumb against his lower lip. "A really good dad. Alexis is lucky to have you."

"I'm lucky to have her," he sighs and reaches for her hand, bringing it to his lips. "She was a sunshine that cleared the fog."

* * *

He wakes up when Kate stirs in his arms and he doesn't remember how she ended up there. Her head is resting on his arm, which is now numb. She moves her head again and it shoots a tingling pain through his arm. He tries to withdraw it without waking her, but the movement makes her turn around to face him and she snuggles closer to him.

She buries her face in his neck. "Not yet," she mumbles, and seriously what's up with her, she usually likes her space when she sleeps.

"Okay, but can I have my arm back. Babe, it's numb," he replies with an amused smile at the way her eyebrows scrunch up.

"Don't call me babe."

"Why not? You call me babe," he teases because he knows she hates being called that.

"It's different."

"How?"

"Rick, shh, I want to sleep." She pats the hand wedged between them against his chest and then slides it down and under the hem of his shirt, running it against the warmth of his back. She hums her approval.

He chuckles. "Kate, seriously, my arm."

"Ugh. You are such a baby," she replies, irritated, as she lifts her head a little and he removes his arm.

"This is not a peachy morning start, Kate," he quips at her, then pauses as he looks expectantly at her. "Get it? Peachy?" he is chuckling to himself.

The only reaction he gets is her entire hand pushing his face away and then she turns her back at him, covering her face with her pillow that does very little to block his snickering.

* * *

She finds him at the stove when she shuffles into the kitchen. "Hey," she waves at him sleepily.

"Morning, Sunshine."

"Why didn't you wake me up?"

He looks at her in disbelief because she doesn't seem to remember her grumpiness earlier this morning. He takes the two plates of pancakes from their place in the tray he intended to bring to bed with him, and sets them in front of her at the counter as she takes a seat. "I thought that waking you up may be an unwise approach." He smirks at her and adds, "Breakfast in bed seemed the choice given your mood."

She takes a grape from the plate in front of her. "Hold off on the lame jokes and we will be peachy," she says as she throws the grape at him.

He laughs and then comes around the counter to her side and smiles as he holds her coffee to her, full with the foamy heart drawn in.

She glances at the mug in his hand and then back at his eyes. He can see how they gleam at him and it's all he really wanted.

"Thank you," she whispers as she wonders how he can manage to do this to her, turn the tables so fast. How he pulls her love for him to the surface.

He pulls the mug away when she reaches for it. "Hey," he says as he leans in closer.

"Hi," she says as she rests her forehead against his, one arm hooking around his neck.

* * *

He stares at her over the top of the iPad that he is supposed to be reading on, but she has his attention. She is gorgeously sun kissed sitting there on the sand, her leg folded under her, building a sand castle, which he just loves on so many levels.

"How about you stop pretending to read and come build a castle with me?" She's looking at him sideways and he can see the knowing smirk.

"Oh please, with what you are wearing right now I get to stare all I want," he says as he lifts an eyebrow at her.

She shrugs, "I don't mind you staring." Then she nods to the spot next to her on the sand, "In fact, maybe you'd like a better view?"

He shoves the iPad aside and gets to his feet, making her smile. "Where is your phone?"

"Why?" she asks, as he spots it on top of her beach wrap on the sand.

"I left mine inside and I want to take a picture." He touches a few buttons on the phone.

"Really? Right no-" she gets cut off by the soft Techno music.

"Techno?"

"Yeah, so?"

"Just not very Beckett."

She smiles, "I like that song."

He shrugs.

"Good dancing song," she defends.

"So let's dance." He drops the phone on her wrap again after increasing the volume and goes to her, offering his hand.

She looks up at him, shielding her eyes from the sun with her hand. "Now?" she says and looks at him like he is crazy.

"Why not?" he shrugs again, "No one's around. Come on, Beckett, show me those moves."

She swats his foot but then she takes his hand because this has been a silly perfect kind of day. Dancing is exactly what it needs.

 _(Ain't nobody loves me better, makes me happy, makes me feel this way. Ain't nobody loves me better than you.)_

* * *

 **To the guest reviewer** : Thank you so much for the kind words. It was fantastic reading your reviews as you read each chapter, hope this one doesn't disappoint!

 **TORONTOSUN:** always good to hear your feedback I think Kate is not the type to just give in so I'm glad you liked that.

 **ceboy08** : Thank you so much for your constant support, I really appreciate reading these reviews

 **Manxkid:** your review made my day! I know exactly how it feels to find a story to fill a lazy weekend and I'm so happy mine was the one you chose. Thank you ^_^

 **MRC83:** Thank you so much for the kind words, I'm very glad it stays true to the characters, hope you like this chapter as well!

 **KrissaBelle7** : so sorry for the wait and thank you so much for joining in and letting me know you like it ^_^

 **Thank you to all guest reviewers and a huge thank you to the beta for this story adama-roslinlove.**


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen**

* * *

He puts down his iPad, glancing down at her as she reads, her sunglasses on the top of her head. He has noticed that she never reads or has a conversation with someone else with her sunglasses on. He lifts the hand of the arm she is resting her neck on and starts playing with the ends of her hair. Noticing her smile, he also notes that her eyes are still on her book.

"Kate."

She hums at him distractedly; she hates it when he interrupts her reading.

"I have a question."

She closes her book as she quirks an eyebrow at him. "Since when do you ask?"

"I just-" he begins as he lifts his own sunglasses when she looks up at him, "I don't want to go into this again, but I need to know. For later."

"Okay. Ask." She looks at him expectantly.

"Does it bother you when I put things that happen to you or us in the Nikki books?" he asks nervously because he has never involved her or anyone else for that matter in the way he writes. Writing was his and his alone, but what she said in the car about Heat Rises got him thinking, and he doesn't want his books that were so much for her, for them, to be a bad thing.

She scrunches her eyebrows at him, "Where is this coming from?"

"In the car when we were talking about Heat Rises." He sees the realization in her eyes and he moves his gaze to the beach in front of them. "I just don't want the books to be…" He doesn't know how to describe it but he sees that she gets it.

"Castle, I love the books. I have always loved your books." She smiles at him reassuringly even though he can't see it. "I love it when I read a conversation between Nikki and Rook that we had or at least is similar to the ones we had. It shows me that they mean as much to you as they do to me." She reaches up to kiss his jaw, "As for the big things like my mother's case or the shooting, you have disguised them enough that I don't feel like I'm reading about something that specifically happened to me." She smiles and adds "Much…"

He smiles back at her but she can still see the doubt in his eyes.

"Stop worrying so much and just write me another one," she orders and bites at his jaw, trying to make it lighter.

"Yes ma'am."

She goes back to her book and he continues to play with her hair, staring into the distance. When she looks up at him again, she puts down her book. "Okay, now I have a question."

"Hit me."

"Why is it that Rook was the one that got shot in Heat Rises?"

He nods as he says, "Lots of reasons."

She rolls her eyes, "Such as?"

"For one, Nikki is the cop, her getting shot is the obvious choice. I don't do obvious. Also, I couldn't do that to Nikki… Not when you actually did get shot. I didn't want to re-live it in a different version. One was enough."

She nods in understanding and goes back to her book.

"I'm glad she stayed with him," she says quietly. _Even if I didn't._

* * *

"Let's play charades," announces Martha.

Kate looks questioningly as both Alexis and Castle grimace.

"How about a board game instead?" tries Castle.

"No, no that's boring," Martha says as she waves her hand dismissively.

"Am I missing something?" Kate turns to Alexis.

Alexis smiles at her dad and doesn't reply, so Castle adds, "Let's just say mother takes this game a little too seriously."

"Nonsense, darling, they are just being dramatic."

Both Alexis and Castle chuckle at that.

"So, teams?" Martha asks enthusiastically.

"Not it!" both Castle and Alexis interject at the same time.

Kate watches on, still not having said anything.

"It's settled then, it's you and I, dear," Martha says, clapping her hands with a smile that just seems a little too gleeful to Kate.

Kate really doesn't know what the big deal is until Martha gets up to act out the clues to her.

As his mother really takes her time acting out the clue, Castle tightens his lips in an attempt not to laugh because he knows Kate has a competitive streak and he can see her glancing nervously at the timer they are using for the game.

"Breakfast at Tiffany's!" Kate blurts out right before the timer rings.

"Yes!" Martha yells out triumphantly.

Alexis chuckles to herself as she adds one point in their team's column. "So, that brings your total to 2 against our 7."

"Don't worry, Kate, quality over quantity."

Kate grins, amused by the woman, and lifts her wine glass to clink Martha's.

"Yeah, yeah. We still won," Alexis declares as she high fives her dad.

Kate sticks her tongue out at them as she gets up to pour herself and Martha another glass of wine from the kitchen.

Castle follows her and wraps his arms around her from behind, tugging her towards his chest and burying his nose in her hair, inhaling the smell of her and a day in the sun mingled together. "I'm so in love with you."

She wraps her hands around the ones encircling her and tightens his hold on her. "Right back at you."

* * *

"So, what do you guys want to have for dinner?" he yells towards the kitchen.

"Whatever you guys want is fine with me," Martha replies, lifting her wine glass at them.

"Want to go out?" Alexis asks from her seat on one of the stools at the kitchen island.

"No," yells Castle from across the room.

"Are you going to cook?" Alexis asks again.

"No," he yells again.

"Anyone want to cook?" she asks Martha and Kate.

When she is met with silence, she adds in finality, "Going out it is then."

"Let's just order a pizza," interjects Castle, really not wanting to leave the house.

"I'm okay with that, you guys?" Kate adds.

"Sure."

"Alexis, honey, can you order it?" he asks sweetly.

Kate smiles as Alexis rolls her eyes but gets up to go to the phone anyway.

"The usual?" she asks as she looks through the menu drawer.

Kate looks around at the others and then decides, "Yeah, thanks, Alexis."

"No problem."

"You're nice to her?" Castle yells again.

"I'm not the one being lazy, Castle. She likes me," replies Kate.

"Until she doesn't!" Castle teases.

* * *

He finds her on the back porch, staring out into the night. She looks beautiful in a different way, sitting there on the steps leading to the beach, huddled up in a large sweater; so soft that he just wants to wrap her in his arms.

"Hey," he says softly, not wanting to disturb the calmness she cocooned herself in.

She looks up at him and smiles, and then looks back to the waves that are barely visible by the moon light. "It's so beautiful out here, Castle."

He hums his approval as he sits down next to her on the steps, resting his arms on his raised knees.

They sit in silence for a long while, just enjoying the sound of waves and the quiet breeze. Kate finally breaks the silence and asks, "Martha and Alexis?"

"They went to bed." He glances at her, "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm-" she meets his eyes, "I'm happy, Rick." She turns towards him and lifts her hand to his cheek, feeling the roughness of his stubble against her palm. "Thanks for sharing your family with me." She then feels the contours of his smile.

"You're family too, Kate. For me and for them. And-" He doesn't wait for her to reply; instead he takes her left hand in his and grazes her ring finger with his thumb, "Someday very soon I'm going to ask you a question." He looks at her with a playful gleam in his eyes, "And you are going to say yes and then you never have to doubt it again."

She faintly brushes her lips to his and then rests her forehead against his. "So, I'm going to say yes, huh?" she teases.

He grins, "Yeah, you are. Soon."

"Soon," she repeats.

* * *

Big thank you to adama-roslinlove for your continues support, really appreciate it!

 **ceboy08:** Thanks to guys for your always encouraging words. Makes my day every time I hope you like this one too.

 **TORONTOSUN:** Thank you, I'm glad you liked it. Was kind of worried about that part, thought it may be too unBeckett.

 **Liv123321:** Thank you so much, that means a lot! I hope you enjoy this chapter ^_^

 **Stefi:** Sigh! I'm in complete denial to everything that's happening now, I'm glad to provide and escape from that for you and I both. Thank you for reading!

 **rascalmom:** Thank you very much for the kind words, I'm so happy it comes off that way, It was important for me to keep the characters intact. ^_^

 **life's a mystery:** Thank you and I hope you continue to enjoy it 3


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fifteen**

* * *

"Castle!" she yells at him from the kitchen as she grimaces at the microwave clock again.

"I'm right here, Kate, no need to yell," he replies as he strolls into the living room, cool as a cat.

She tightens her jaw and takes a deep breath. "Do you even know how late we are?"

"It's not my fault you were hogging the shower. You should've just let me join," he argues back, too smug for her current mood. They both kind of woke up cranky.

"Yes, because then we would have _definitely_ been on time," she says sarcastically as she pushes his coffee travel mug towards him aggressively.

"At least you wouldn't be grumpy," he mutters as he takes a sip of coffee. The way she narrows her eyes at him tells him she heard that.

"Let's just go, Castle."

"Fine." He picks up his jacket from the back of the couch.

They are almost out the door when her phone rings and she hands him her cup to hold while she fishes for it. "Beckett."

He leans against the front door, sipping her coffee, just because he wants to push her buttons today, though she is not paying attention anyway.

"Okay, where is she right now?" She looks around the living room, then turns to him and makes a writing gesture, asking for something to write with.

He points to yesterday's paper on the sofa with a pen on top.

She picks up the thoroughly chewed pen by the tip and lifts it to him, her face a mixture of disgust and question, and he just shrugs. She shakes her head and throws it back on top of the newspaper.

If he wasn't sure she would just pull out her gun and shoot him right where he is standing, he would be laughing at her.

"You know what, just text it to me." She nods once at the phone and he rolls his eyes at that. "Yeah, thanks."

She takes the cup of coffee from him, shakes it in her hand, lifting an eyebrow. "Did you drink my coffee, Castle?"

"No, I have my own."

She doesn't believe him one bit. It's going to be a long day.

* * *

She finally plops down on her desk chair around the early afternoon; they had back to back interviews with the family and colleagues of their victim. All the good it did them, they have no leads yet.

"Coffee?" Castle offers, standing by her desk.

"Please," she whispers, hands massaging her temples.

"How about an aspirin?" he offers softly.

She turns to smile at him. He was being irritating on purpose all morning, so this is a nice change. She nods at him.

She's hanging up the phone when he is back with their coffees. He sets them both on the desk and takes the aspirin from his pocket, "Boys find anything?"

"Yes, couple of neighbours saw an SUV parked across the street two nights in a row," she says triumphantly. Finally, this day is going her way.

He smiles at her tone, "Here you go."

"By the way, Alexis says hi and that she is coming over early on Sunday to help with brunch."

"When did she call?"

"This morning," she shrugs and adds with a side glance at him, "While you were taking your sweet time in the shower."

He grins at her. "She called you?" he asks again.

"Yes, Castle, we talk. What's the big deal?"

"No big deal. I just didn't know." He is actually ecstatic.

She smiles as she sips her coffee, but she doesn't look at him. "She is okay, Castle. Stop fussing."

He sighs.

* * *

"Why are we doing this again?" she checks her phone again for an update from the boys.

"Because it's about time we all got together." He smiles as he drops another item into their cart.

"Yeah, but why can't we just go out? It would be easier. No?"

"Come on, this is more fun, us hosting together." He wiggles his eyebrows at her.

She can't help but smile at his excitement. "Okay, Castle. What else do you have on that list?"

Before he answers, her phone buzzes. "Hold that thought, it's Ryan."

"Sure, come find me at the meat section when you're done."

She nods and walks to a more secluded area of the grocery store. "Hey Ryan. What've you got? Okay, did you guys get a confession? Well, at least we know we are on the right track." She distractedly looks through the shelves, her eyebrows furrowing. "Yeah, okay. Hey Ryan, I got to go, I'll call you back."

She looks at the wall of pregnancy tests on the shelves in front of her, panic setting in.

* * *

She can hear him talking as they unload the groceries into the cabinets in his kitchen, but all she can think about is the pregnancy test she managed to sneak past him. She sighs and puts down the canned tomatoes, turning to face him. "Castle," she whispers in an attempt to calm herself.

He turns towards her and takes in her demeanour; she isn't looking at him. "Kate? What's wrong?"

She traces the edge of the counter with her thumb, not sure how to tell him. "I-" she looks up at him, the worry in his eyes isn't helping. She reaches for her bag and pulls out the pregnancy test, dropping it between them on the counter.

His eyes widen.

"Say something."

"I- umm…" He sees the grimace at his non-reaction and that makes him pull it together a little. "Okay, sorry, just caught me off guard."

"Yeah, I know how you feel."

"Are we sure?" he asks tentatively.

"No." She runs her hand through her hair and says, "I mean I'm late, and I'm never late. God, Castle, what are we going to do?"

"Hey hey, we are going to be just fine, okay?" He comes to stand beside her, dragging her to him and wrapping his arms around her, looking into her eyes. "This doesn't have to be a bad thing, right?"

The hopeful look in his eyes confuses her, because she doesn't even know. She has no big picture here.

He feels the anxiety seeping out of her, so he starts calmly. "Kate, here is what we are going to do. You are going to take this test and then we will take it from there. Okay? Whatever happens we are okay."

She nods at him.

* * *

"Kate? You done?" he asks with a soft knock against the door.

"Yeah, come in."

He finds her leaning against the wall nearest the counter, her arms folded as she stares down at the test stick.

He sighs and she glares at him.

"Come on." He drags her by the elbow and lowers the toilet cover, nudging her to sit. Then he goes and grabs the shower stool for himself.

"Kate, it'-"

"Castle," she cuts him off in warning. If he says 'fine' she will just have to punch him.

"Would it really be so bad?" he snaps, because this is a good thing and she is ruining it.

She tightens her jaw and glances at him, then stands and starts pacing the small space. She can't have this conversation now; she will say all the wrong things.

The screech of the alarm echoes in the confined space and they both move towards the test, too fast for the pretense of calm they were both attempting. He looks over her shoulder at the test that is now clutched in her hand.

Her eyes meet his in the mirror, and he is too scared to be happy, because the way she is looking at him now shows that they are just not on the same page.

* * *

The constant clanking wakes him up. The room is immersed in darkness except for the faint light that seeps from under the door. Kate.

He covers his eyes with his arm; things haven't gone as he had hoped. He tried to coax the excitement out of her after they saw the double lines on the stick; she appeased him, hugged him even and then told him she just needed time to wrap her mind around it, and then they went to bed. At least he did.

He sighs, lifting the covers and shuffling towards the light.

She looks up at him from where she stands at the stove, grimacing in apology. "Did I wake you?"

"It's fine," he waves his hand dismissively. "What are you doing?"

"I couldn't sleep, so I thought I'd look some things up." She nods towards the opened laptop on the sofa. "Then I wanted a cup of coffee but I don't even know if I can have coffee now. So I'm making tea."

He lifts an eyebrow because he has never seen Kate rant.

"Do you want some?" she asks quietly now.

"Alright, first of all, you can still have coffee, just maybe don't mainstream it into your blood system anymore." He smiles when the corners of her lips tug upwards a little.

"And second?" she asks stubbornly.

He walks towards her and takes her hand, walking them to the sofa. They sit at the corner of the sofa facing each other.

"What's going on, Kate?" he asks, his voice straining to remain calm because he is trying to keep the hurt out of his voice, trying so hard to understand where they went wrong. "I mean, I know this is sudden and fast and unplanned." He swipes his tongue against his lower lip, "But I thought we were both on the same track here. I thought we wanted the same things." His eyes meet hers and he is desperately trying to read what's going on in her mind. "Is this not what you want?" he asks softly, afraid of what her answer might be, because right now he has no idea what she will say.

She runs her hand through her hair, stands, and starts pacing the floor in front of him. "God, Castle, how can you even say that?" She stops and looks at him, "Ever since I saw the pregnancy tests in the store, all I can think about are tiny hands and blue eyes."

And it guts him the way her eyes are shining with so much longing. It makes his eyes sting.

"Okay, Kate, then I really don't understand."

She starts to pace again. "Castle, what if I'm not enough? What if I do it wrong?" She doesn't even allow him to answer before she continues, "I just barely put myself together. There are people out there-" she stops for a second and adds, "And I'm a cop, Rick. I can get shot, I can die, and then what's going to happen?" She resumes her pacing, lost in thought as if trying to find solutions to these problems.

"Kate."

She looks at him.

"Come here," he says softly.

"And what abo-?"

"Kate," he interrupts her rant.

"What?"

"Come here," he adds sternly, and he knows that if she wasn't sick with worry she would've probably shot him for that.

She walks towards him and he drags her the rest of the way until she is straddling him. He hooks her arms around his own neck.

"I have a story for you."

She glares at him. "Castle I don-" her words are muffled against his lips.

His hands at her hips squeeze slightly as he draws back. "Shut up and let me tell you a story."

She still glares at him but she is quiet.

He takes a deep breath, trying to find the right words. "Kate, this is going to be so beautiful. Our baby."

She touches her forehead against his.

"So, there is this detective. Smart, tall, gorgeous." He sees the smile at the corners of her lips. "Stubborn as hell though, kind of carries the weight of the world on her shoulders." He chuckles at the way her eyebrows furrow.

"See, this detective, she is kind of a badass. Every morning she puts on those crazy high heels, goes out, and she catches killers left and right, making this world a little better for all of us. She stands guard at the darkness so that it doesn't seep all over us." His hands slip under the back of her shirt, his splayed hands running the length of her spine. "But it's okay, because after the long hours, our detective comes home and she kisses her ruggedly handsome husband." He steadily ignores the widening of her eyes at his words and smirks at her instead. "Then she picks her baby girl up. Her heart is full at the toothless smile her daughter gives her, the way she wraps her tiny little hand around her finger and it's all there, Kate, all the light she needs to keep all darkness away."

Her hands are now at the sides of his neck, thumbs tracing the line of his jaw. She takes a shuddering breath, "Castle."

He can see the tears in her eyes. "This will be so beautiful, Kate," he repeats. "And I'm telling you now, that I will be useless when it comes to discipline, because, Kate, if this baby is going to look like you, smile like you, then I'm just going to be a sucker. That baby will own me."

She chuckles at that, even through the tears.

"Just wait, Kate, for that first time she holds your finger in her tiny hand, like you're everything that is safe in the world."

"I love you." She wraps her arms around his neck tightly and buries her head in the crook of his neck. "I'm so in love with you," she mumbles against his neck.

And it lifts the weight of the world from his shoulders. It's going to be beautiful.

 **The End**

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A/N: Writing this was great fun! Big thanks to everyone that has read the story and those who reviewed, you guys have been awesome and it was great hearing all the feedback. I'm currently working on some other Castle story, hopefully I'll post It soon.

A huge thank you to adama-roslinlove, who have honestly been very patient and made this story substantially better that I don't have to cringe at the mistakes every time I go through one of the previous chapter. Thank you for your time.

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life's a mystery: Thank you, I'm glad you liked it and thanks for leaving a review :D appreciated!

ceboy08: ceboy, ceboy your words are very kind as always, I agree with you a good story is all you need sometimes, I'm glad mine does that for you 3 thank you for always reviewing!

philliesfan1000: Oh boy where do I begin? It was fantastic getting a review for each chapter as you read. Absolutely made my day so thank you! So glad you decided to pick up the story again. Glad you liked how they came together; I had doubts about that as I didn't want it be too much out of character. Thank you for commenting on certain sentences. 3

Stefi: Me too, one of my favs on the show! Thank you for always reviewing.

TORONTOSUN: Thank you I'm glad you liked it and big thanks for always reviewing.

Manxkid: thank you, I'm glad you liked it and I appreciate the review.

MRC83: Thank You for the kind words, it makes me very happy to know it's one of your favorites!


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